I Got A Rock...

Considering that it is going to be Halloween this week, and I haven't written in a while, I figured this week I would compose some sort of post as my treat (or trick) to you.

First of all, the title comes from Charlie Brown for those of you who haven't seen "The Great Pumpkin". I highly suggest watching it because it's a classic and because this post will make more sense if you understand that part.

Let's see where I can start...

I've recently accepted an internship position with a market research company based out of Perrysburg. They are letting me work around my classes, getting about 23 hours a week. It's not what I expected and I've been trying to get them to see that they're underestimating my abilities but I haven't been with them that long either so my frustration is mostly internal.

The fact that I have time to write this post right now is proof of my lack of things to do, and yes, I've asked for more things to do.

What do I do at this company?

Well, when I come in at 8 am, I make myself a coffee and settle in to my cube, where both of my monitors remind me to be whimsical and adventurous as always because they have a Tardis floating through space as the background. It seems odd to me that no one has said anything about them yet but maybe my co-workers just need to warm up to me before they ask or comment on the awesomeness of my computer.

I went on a little tangent there.

After pulling up my office email and checking for things that need attention there, I go onto one of their survey websites and take surveys for them as part of a Quality Assurance process. Basically, I make sure that all of the internet stuff works and that the Survey runs pretty true to what our client wanted. It's not the most labor intensive thing in the world but it is a little draining because for the most part I'm answering questions about my age, gender, income, and place of residence over and over through what they call demographic questions.

Other than that, I'm learning how the system works and doing what I can to help the project managers or the people who run the survey for our clients. There are only 6 project managers plus the boss and then me on our side of the office. On the other side is tech and I haven't worked with many of them yet so I don't know all of them.

On Thursday, there is going to be an office party for Halloween and I'm not quite sure how to feel about that yet. I haven't decided if I'm going to actually dress up as something or someone because I still have to go to class and all that so it could be a hassle to dress up and run across campus trying to make it to class on time. Lunch is catered though so that's cool. I don't think that they've decided who to call for catering yet but free food is always cool in my book.

Today, my geology class was canceled so I'll be at work, grabbing some extra time, until 3 so that I can get to my French Culture class at 3:30 pm. I have a feeling that it's going to be a long day.

Home life is different from what I'm used to. It's definitely not dorm life, that's for sure. My cousin is taking care of me for the most part...or maybe we take care of each other on some level. Who knows. We sort of adopted a kitten who I named Jack after Jack Skellington of Nightmare Before Christmas. He's all black except for a very small patch of white on his stomach. He's attached himself to me and because he wants all of my attention can be very annoying but I can deal with it for now.

My thesis is not going well at all. I need to spend more time on it and get it moving but with midterms I miss judged how much time they would take up. Now is the time to buckle down and get it done however I have to do that. One option is moving stuff to the study and working in there but I'm not sure how well that will work. I also don't know until I try it so maybe this week that will be what happens. Maybe sitting behind a desk when I go to work on it will make my brain function better than sitting with my laptop on my bed and the books all around me.

My stress level has been really high lately and I have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as that goes. There are just too many things going on for me to process like I am. They all need my attention too which makes things terrible for the stress level.

I'm lucky to have support from the people I'm getting it from. I know that I've closed myself off from some of you and I don't want you to think that I do that on purpose or with malice or anything like that. I do it without thinking because my life is so busy I just can't maintain the same level of contact that we once had. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I just haven't figured out how to manage my time well enough to fit everyone in. That being said I also don't want to dump my stress on people, I do it enough to a few people and I feel bad about it every time I do.

So I have to send out a big THANK YOU to Noah who has been dealing with my emotional breakdowns and my crazy schedule. I know that sometimes I give him grief about some things but I only do because I care. I hope that he knows how much I care about him and how much knowing that he supports me and can put up with my tears when I snap means to me.

Also, a THANK YOU goes to my Aunt Heather for the phone call late in the evening. Talking it out with her made everything a little clearer and got me settled down enough to get some sleep that night. My stress was spilling over and getting the best of me but with a new perspective on it, I think that I can probably handle the next week at least.

I have to give a shout out to my girl Cassi, who is starting a novel for NANOWRIMO. I hope that she finds it challenging but also enriching. Sometimes digging deep for that challenge makes you see things in a way you never did before. It can also make times not feel quite as crazy as they are because its an escape from everything in your life for what your heart wants most. I wish her the best of luck in this and I hope most of all that she has fun doing it.

Another shout out goes to the crew at the Scare Fair for a great date night with Noah. I was so scared that I got the hick-ups (which has never happened to me before). These guys did an awesome job and I'm glad that I got to experience it at least once. I know that I won't be going through The Gauntlet ever again, that's for sure. I don't even care if that makes me a chicken because I'll own up to it. I was terrified.

For anyone interested in going next year, here is a link to their website. (Scare Fair) Noah is actually in a few of the pictures on their home page for those of you who have met him.

My little brother who isn't so little anymore, has a family thing November 2 which I will probably attend. I know that when there was a family thing at BG it was overrated but since he's not at BG maybe this one will be different. I just have to get information from someone about times and an address so that I know where to go and when to be there.

The baby brother is making his sister proud in the marching band and generally being a goof like his sister was and his brother too I suppose. I was really happy that I got to see him perform on Homecoming with their silly capes and inverted drumline. Sounds like they are having a good year for the band geeks.

As for getting a rock,

I'm going to use it as an analogy for my life at this very moment.

If the trick or treat bag were my life, and the whole knocking on doors thing were lets say, the job search after college. I'm searching but the doors don't open and the promise of candy is the only thing that keeps me going on to the next. Every door has a light on but no one answers when I knock. Maybe I'm not knocking loud enough but I can't tell because I can't see the other kids knocking on doors. I chose to go down the strange obscure street where all the people from other countries live. They probably don't celebrate the holiday at all but I wanted to go there because it was supposed to be an exciting new adventure. I keep searching and searching for the house that is going to give me that beautifully delicious piece of candy that will symbolize my triumph. Instead, my bag holds a rock, a rock that is pretty big and heavy. This rock is my thesis and impending graduation. It could turn out to be a geode and hold beautiful crystals but for now it is a heavy rock that makes me worry about all the unopened doors and how I'll ever be able to find one that opens for me.

So, yeah, I got a rock.

I think that about wraps everything up for now. I'll try to update again soon.

As always,

Blessed Be.

Somewhere Maybe

Somewhere out in the vast sea of knowledge and random crap is where I stand. I'm the one on the small island with a palm tree as my only friend. I am alone and trying to make sense of what washes up on shore and trying to figure out how to survive the rising waters. What happens when the island disappears? Will someone be there to save me or will I drown out here alone where know one knows if I'm alive or dead?

I will figure this out.

The crossroads is coming and my car has lost its breaks with the accelerator stuck to the floor. My choices are numbered and infinite possibilities that once excited me now terrify me.

Don't let me crash.

Negativity and darkness are swirling around them but I am King Arthur and I have my Excalibur. Hopefully, I know how to wield it when I need it so that I don't get killed. The bumps and bruises are a testament to my trials along the way but this is the precipice of something new and unknown. Do I even want to fight it?

I will be positive.

How did Juliet know that Romeo was the one for her? How did any of the Disney princesses know for sure that he was the one? Why did they not falter when their parents didn't support them in their love (where applicable)? If he makes me happy, if he makes my heart sing, if he is tender and gentle, why would anyone ignore these qualities? Why would you doubt my choice?

I choose him.

Cinderella slaved away day and night to please her step family, African slaves transported to the Americas worked sometimes to their deaths to please their masters, Maids get paid to slave away, immigrants get paid to be your slave (even if it isn't very much). If you wish to find one of these to please you then let me help you find one but I do not fit any of these molds.

I will not bow.

The leaves are changing. Red, Yellow, Brown, Green. The air smells of the coming chill of winter carried on the breeze that is whispering of adventures yet to be had in the swirling colors. This Indian Summer can't last forever, Jack Frost will remind us of it soon enough. For now, there are pumpkins to carve, costumes to wear, cider to be drank and apples to be enjoyed. Not to mention the great array of people who gather to enjoy your company while you enjoy theirs.

I am changing.

Whether you believe as I do or you follow another path, remember always that you are who you are because of the situations that made you. You grew according to what you were given and the choices you made. It is up to you to see or not see what you have been given.

Brightest of Blessings.

Thoughts From a Hot Day

I'll give you an update on life later in this post but I want to write something else out before it becomes as thin as the air from whence it came.

Life is confusing.

I'm confused.

I have all of this stuff going on and so do the people I call my friends. They are starting their lives. they are getting their footing and from the outside looking at them with all their smiles, I can't help but wish that I had their easy life.

I know better though. I know that when the time comes, someone whoever it may be will decide that they want me to be theirs forever. Someday I'll have that same smile on my face as the ones I've seen on facebook of the happy couples and the new mothers. Someday maybe I'll know that I worked hard to get what I have. I'll know that behind the smiles are the times we yelled at each other or that I never wanted to talk to him again because that's how a relationship works. The good and the bad together.

I know that my life may feel like a landslide right now, sucking me down somewhere deep and dark and where the final destination is a secret only the universe knows of, but I also know that with the circle is still moving and that good things will come if I only wait for the circle to come around again.

Moral of the story:

It's okay to be jealous because from this you can form your goals and work for what you want making it just that much more satisfying when you get what you want. The candy in your mouth will be the best you ever tasted because you know that you deserve it so to speak.

So as I look at my friends and wonder if I'll ever have what they have, I can know deep down that when the time is right all things will come to me because I worked hard when times were rough and scary.

~*~

As for that update, now that my musing has run its course...

School is going well. I don't have as many classes as I've had before which leaves for a lot of time where I'm not really doing a lot because I finish my homework fairly quickly. Nothing has been very tough so far.

The classes I'm taking this semester are :
Geology Lab Science
World Politics
Research Methodology
French Culture

I am also at the same time working on my thesis which has to do with International policies and trade organizations in terms of globalization and the poverty in lesser developed countries.

I promise that looks more organized on paper than it is here.

I live with my cousin Anne in Sylvania and if you need the address, just ask me for it. I find it a little lonely living off campus where no one really talks to me and there isn't a line for the shower because I have my own bathroom. I don't even have to wash other peoples' dishes but I also don't get to hang out and just watch T.V. or whatever it is we feel like doing that night.

Giant foam pit anyone? Oh, those were good times.

I quit my job at the dining hall on campus. I didn't even end up working for them this semester. We just cut it off and that was that.

So I'm currently looking for a job but that seems to be going well also because I have an interview already with the company Anne works for. Hopefully, something good will come of it. I don't like the feeling  of bills looming over me the way they are right now. I need stability.

My birthday was uneventful. Anne and Thomas took me out that night in BG for darts, pool, and dinner. We really weren't any good at darts or pool but that was alright. Friday, Noah took me out to Texas Roadhouse and it was nice to have a birthday dinner just the two of us.

Other than that nothing really happened. I just am twenty-two now as unexciting as that is.

The weekend before my birthday was Labor Day weekend or as I used to call it, Flavor Day. Noah and I met my family on Kelly's Island Friday night. We wandered around the festival stuff for a little bit and saw the parade (if you can call it that) on Saturday, followed by ice-cream and a tour of the island with Grandpa and Grandma as the tour guides. I got sick with a migraine on Sunday so I missed pretty much the whole day. That rolled into Noah and I having a crappy time at Cedar Point on Monday because we were both set on edge by the crowd that was there. We managed 4 coasters (not even big ones) then left. Noah wants to go back but after that time I'm apprehensive to say the least.

Graduation is for sure now. I know I've said that before or maybe not but I feel like I have so I apologize anyway. This time however I the proof in the $35 that I paid the university so that I can be put on the list. All I have to do is finish my classes (not failing them) and then when December rolls around I'll be walking up to take a diploma in my hand and know that I've accomplished at least part of my life's goals. It is going to feel so good to hold that piece of paper in my hands after all the work I am and have put into getting it.

I guess that I had better wrap up this post because it's starting to get late and I have class in the morning.

I may not have a lot to say all the time or I may not make the move  that is expected of me but trust me, that doesn't mean that I'm through with the relationship. I love you and could never intentionally hurt you without hurting myself. If you know me then you know that I need my quiet sometimes but that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking of you and wishing that you were there with me so that you could share in my adventures.

Bright Blessings to you all.

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August? Where did you come from?

Okay, I'm here, I really am I swear.

And I'm still alive.

I'm working here in West Palm Beach and making a dent in the number of boxes that they have holding old files in the basement. There were way too many for me to even make it to the halfway point. That coupled with machine malfunctions and construction which makes for times when I can't scan anything means that I'm no where near an end.

I have to make it back however so the date of my trip is set.
I will be leaving West Palm Beach on August 22 headed to Atlanta where I will spend the night and continue on in the morning to Sylvania or maybe Lima for an overnight.

My uncles are keeping me super spoiled here. I know that they don't see it as a huge deal but I feel like I'm taking advantage of their kindness in a bad way... It's just a feeling though and they are both adamant about not letting me pay for food.

Yesterday before it rained, I got some good sun and then fell asleep in the hammock next to the pool. It was a wonderful thing and I woke up in time to put the hammock away before the rain. I'd say that I could feel the change in the air but then I'd sound crazy so I won't say it.

Things have been pretty uneventful here.

Aunt Jodie came for a week and helped unpack which was a super help because we weren't moving very fast and she got rid of most of the boxes in the house altogether. She and Thom even installed new fixtures to the sinks of all but one bathroom in the house. It took them a whole day but they got it
done and the next day they installed cabinets in the garage. They make quite a pair.

I made Taco Ring for them last week (which is one of mom's recipes) and it turned out pretty good. The left overs barely made it two days which is a normal thing at my house but I wasn't expecting it to happen with my uncles.

We've had some good times at Roxy's and Bar Louie where the staff know who we are. I get caught off guard a little when I am handed the drink I was about to order by the bartender who looks me in the eye and says "Hey, how are you?" and actually cares. It feels pretty good.

That spurs another thought. I love how I get called sweetheart, hun, and kiddo. I mean no I'm not a kid anymore and I'm not their sweetheart but it gives me the warm fuzzies when someone addresses me this way and isn't just saying it because they have to. When they say it because it's what they feel like saying then I feel like I'm being respected and like I have their attention even if it is for just a moment.

At work I've been collecting pictures that I find pretty. I have 3 folders of them now and I'm excited to start my plan when I get back.

What's the plan?

Well, for now I'm going to call it my green space. I want to make a large collage of everything that I've found and put it on a wall. I had originally thought that I would put it on posterboard but my collection is growing so big that I don't think they will all fit there anymore.

Let's see, what else...

I had a job interview two weeks ago that went super. It was for a before and after school program. Due to my class schedule, I will be a morning person and they hired me as a substitute but it has the potential to become an everyday job.

I am keeping the job with the dining hall on campus for evenings and possibly afternoons, depending on what they give me. I'll have a good cash flow though and living with my cousin should be interesting.

Good news on buying books for this semester too.

First, I'm only taking 12 credit hours (four classes) plus writing my thesis which means less books in the first place.

Secondly, Kindle books or electronic copies of the books I need are available for all but three of the ones on my list.

So instead of the $500 that I would easily drop on books this semester, I'm spending only about $300. It makes life easier. It also makes carrying books around easier because I won't have a million heavy books to carry.

For Labor Day weekend I will be on Kelly's Island with Noah and my family. Noah bought tickets to Cedar Point for my birthday so we thought that would be a great weekend to use them. Plus my wonderful family will get to meet him so it works out perfectly. Let's see how long it takes for him to run screaming away from us...

I know that last time I promised pictures but I'm still not able to post them at the moment. Maybe I'll just have to make a post of just pictures or something. No promises though. Things are rather busy in my life at the moment.

Okay, last but not least, my plans for the trip back to Ohio are as follows:

Thursday morning, leave West Palm Beach headed north on I-95 up the coast until Jacksonville where I'll head west a little to catch I-75 through Georgia.

I'm hoping to arrive before 6 pm so that I can go with my Uncle to The Complete Works of Shakespeare that evening.

Friday morning I will leave Atlanta heading north on I-75 up through Tennessee then Kentucky and into Ohio. I haven't decided yet on the destination for that day whether it is Lima or Sylvania but I will be sure that everyone knows where I'm at.

I'm praying for sunshine all the way up even if it is super bright because even that would be better than the storms I drove through to get here.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer just as much as I am.

Blessed Be!

Here I am!

I've made it and my adventure continues.

So I'm actually at work right now, only two blocks from the beach on a beautiful island. The weather is off and on rain but when you can catch the sun it is glorious. Though some of the locals complain about the heat. I'm a happy camper.

I had planned to blog from Atlanta and when I arrived in West Palm but things were so busy and time consuming that I haven't had a chance to get my mind in the right place to be able to blog.

It poured for my entire drive from Ohio to Georgia. It was pitch black and my poor car was not loving it. I couldn't use cruise control and I didn't want to because I would have been hydroplaning everywhere. So I didn't get so see a lot of Kentucky or Tennessee where I would have liked to stop and see the nature and the historical sights. The drive back will hopefully be better though.

My fourth of July was fun. I think I will start there because that's as far back as my trip goes for the most part. I spent that week with my boyfriend and his parents in Lima, Ohio. He bought a bunch of small fountains and poppers as I'm going to call them because they were pretty much just a flash and a loud bang. We set those off in his driveway before and after the city's fireworks which we could see from his back yard. Nothing spectacular but it was still fun even though I was worried that Noah would hurt himself while lighting the fountains and whatnot.

I left Lima to head south on Saturday morning. The weather was fine up until the moment I got into Cincinnati at which time the heavens opened up and the rain came down. I stopped for gas just after I crossed the river into Kentucky and hoped that the rain would let up but it stayed steady so I decided to trek on.

The freeway didn't have a whole lot of traffic but then again I couldn't see a lot of it either. I stuck behind a semi truck and had the wipers going full speed just getting down the road as best as I could without crashing.

I made it to Atlanta right around dinner time so after unloading my car, I showered and my Uncle Ed took me out to a restaurant called Tomatillos for a shrimp burrito. It was actually pretty tasty though it sounds very strange.

We got up the next morning and caught a movie at 9:30 am. We watched "The Lone Ranger" and it was alright but I guess that I expected more from Johnny Depp. From there we headed to the Martin Luther King Junior Historical Site and the Church where he was a preacher. I have always enjoyed seeing the places where history was made and the fact that these were just normal people makes it just that much more important.

For a late lunch we went to a Caribbean place named Mangos and had a stewed curry goat. It was good but man was it hot. I had to eat the fried plantanes just to get the heat out of my mouth. Next time I'll try something without curry. I might like it better that way.

I headed south from Atlanta on Monday morning and found myself enjoying the sunshine of the sunshine state as soon as the border got close. It was a beautiful drive though it was a little confusing and it was definitely too long for its own good. Thank goodness I wasn't headed any farther than West Palm or I might have gotten into a crash while falling asleep at the wheel.

I really liked the little service stations on the Florida turnpike. They were convenient and helpful.

Travel Tip: Taco Bell does not make a good car meal. I know from experience.

Currently, since I'm working, I thought that you might want to know where and what I'm doing.

I work for a small landscape design company named Nievera Williams Design. Thom is the office manager there and I am technically the records department all on my own. I get the fun job of taking all their old files that are stashed away in the basement and converting them to digital copies which get their own file on their server. Its tedious but it's not a bad job to tell the truth. Plus, I get to go out to lunch with my uncle, we carpool to and from work together and there really aren't any super strict rules as long as there is some progress being made.

I am helping or trying to help with the move from one house to another outside of work. Just this last Saturday, all the big furniture was moved and the boxes are for the most part there, so unpacking is the goal now.

Their new house is super awesome. The rooms are pretty big and I feel like I have my own hotel suite to stay in. They even have a pool out back which I haven't tried yet but I'm sure that I will eventually. Sunsets are seriously beautiful just looking out over the golf course that the property backs up to and I hope to have some pictures up eventually to show you just how beautiful it is.

I can't think of anything else at the moment so I'll get this posted and let you read it. I will have an update soon and hopefully pictures to accompany the post.

As always,

Blessed Be

Lima, Ohio

Checking in.
I've made it thus far without incidents and all is well. I miss my silly family already but I will be alright. I am sure that  once I make it to Atlanta I will get a goodbdose of family then on to West Palm Beach and I will have so much fun that I won't be able to stand it. Just teasing though.
I will have another update soon.
Bright blessings!