All About April

Spring is in the air. Or at least it should be.

Since it snowed yesterday, I'm hesitating on this whole spring thing.

I can see flowers popping out of the ground though and I can see the people starting to put their furniture out on porches again so that they can sit out there and eat dinner after a long day at work.

I've been thinking about doing something like that in my own dream world too. At my dream house, with a good book, sitting on the front porch, listening to the kids playing somewhere in the neighborhood.

I've been dreaming about houses a lot lately. It's the place that my brain goes to when I can't take the frustration of not being able to find a job/career.

I dream of a good sized house with a covered porch. I dream of the Victorian curved sort of turret where I can curl up with a good book and listen to the rain hit the window panes. I dream of cooking all sorts exotic foods that I've experimented with and the smell of the foods that my mom used to make. I dream of having friends over and eating good food with me while playing board games and chatting.

I dream of having a career too but I'm pretty stuck on that one.

I honestly don't know what to do about that. I've applied to everything I can find and even to places that aren't hiring now. I've been going around like a chicken with my head cut off and I feel twice as useless.

I interviewed last Monday over the phone with a publishing company for their Spanish department but when I wrote a follow-up email to the lady I spoke to, I almost instantly got a rejection email back. It was severely disappointing because it might have been cool to live in Western Chicago with all that big city culture and new things/places to explore.

I also did an interview this past Monday for a jeweler in the Lima mall. It seemed to go well and they scheduled a follow-up for next week. It could be an interesting field to work in and I could get bonuses for meeting goals like selling so much worth of items and other stuff.

I'm still waiting on word from Critical Mix. I have emailed the supervisor and he said that they were still doing interviews so that could still be something that works out in the end... I just wish they would hurry up.

The recruiter in Columbus called the other day to tell me that she may have something for me but she wants to send more than one application to the company at one time so she was hoping to get one more person to put with me before sending my info. It would let me use my Spanish and I'd be in Columbus so that I could bother my little brother all the time if I wanted to.

I can't thank Noah enough for supporting me right now and letting me complain without end about having no money or not being able to do stuff. He has been so good to me and I don't know what I would be doing without him in my life.

We've been looking at places for us to live, I think we may have found one that we'd be able to get with the money he has saved up but I still don't want him to have to do it by himself. I would feel pretty awful about that. It would be nice to have our own place though.

I read the first Game of Thrones book in two weeks. I got really into the story and I recommend it to anyone who likes Lord of the Rings. That high fantasy set in a medieval realm is exactly what I needed to get my mind off everything that had made me frustrated during the day.

We started watching the first season of the show and I'm into that too. It was probably really annoying for Noah because I had a comment for many things that have happened so far but I'm really trying hard to keep my mouth shut. It's just really hard.

I need to find the second book so that I can start reading that and getting my mind off the world while Noah does what he wants to do. I'm pretty annoying when I get bored.

Case in Point: today I got bored and found two plastic Easter eggs. For a while I was entertained by cracking them open and then getting the dang things to go back together. (They wouldn't stay closed.) Then that wasn't entertaining anymore and I had to think of something new to do... So, while Noah was distracted with his video game, I closed them around his hair and let them hang there. He had no idea they were even there until later when he went to push his hair out of his face and pulled his own hair. He probably would have walked out of the house with them if he hadn't moved his hair. It was pretty funny.

Hopefully, my next post will have better news in it than this one. I know that I'm not as upbeat as I could be but I'm doing what I can with what I've been given and I don't know how anyone can do better.

I hope everyone has a very happy Easter holiday, whether you are with family or not. Just make it a happy day like any other. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, it doesn't matter. Just make yourself happy.

And as always,

Blessed Be

Making March Mine

Things in life work in strange ways. You might have a plan in your head but then that plan just goes backwards and you are left with less than what you started with. You might get hit with so many problems that your plan becomes completely impossible or you might be looking at your plan in a way that the universe rejects... either way it becomes a problem of trying really hard and getting nowhere.

I found a quote a while back and I think it fits here nicely so I want to share it with you.

In case you can't see the picture, it reads, "An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, just imagine that it's going to launch you into something great."

I had been feeling like I was being pulled backward since December and Graduation. I still haven't felt that feeling of accomplishment that is supposed to come with completing college and I felt like I was the train car who fell off the tracks. I wasn't getting anywhere and the hole that I was creating in the fights with my parents over my job search wasn't helping.

Farwell may be a great place for lots of people but I don't think that I ever fit the mold of people who love living there. I got so frustrated by so many things in that town even though I still loved the trees and being with family. Don't get me wrong, I had and still have great friends who like it there or whatever but I don't think that I was ever content with settling down there. My adventures were always nagging in the back of my head, telling me that there was bigger and better somewhere else.

So to get to my point of all this, my new adventure has found me!

I haven't said anything about it because I wanted this to be my own decision and figure things out on my own. I needed to get my big girl pants on firmly and not let anyone hang off the pant-legs trying to get me to go one direction or the other.

I am currently in Lima, Ohio living with my boyfriend and starting a very grown up life. We're looking at a few options for housing together, splitting rent of course and we may soon make a move on one depending on how things work themselves out.

I'm waiting on a phone call from one of two places with which I've interviewed and feel good about getting a job at whichever offers me a position. No, they are not career places but I have not stopped looking for that either.  I'm still working with the recruiter in Columbus, Ohio and I'm doing a lot of online job applications. I'm still optimistic about things working themselves out when they are meant to.

What else?

Happy first day of Spring! I hope that wherever you are it is sunny at the very least. I know that I would enjoy some more heat right now but I can't complain because there isn't any snow on the ground to make me sad. I'll just have to keep my toes under a blankie for now and enjoy the sunshine that I do have.

My novels are still available on Amazon for those of you who still haven't seen them. Sales are non-existant at this point so all I can do is keep trying to market them... unless someone wants to lend me $500 to pay the big name publisher who wants to publish and market my novels. A branch of Random House publishing has been in contact with me about publishing just one at that price but the optimism in me says that if they got one they will like the other.

I'm thinking about giving that fund raising website a try but I probably won't. It just seems too impersonal to me.

Well, I know that this is just a quick update but my computer's battery is going to die in a minute so I'm going to post this before that happens. I'm sure that I'll have more to say later. I usually do.

Bright Blessings!

Cabin Fever February

I've been trying to blog for days now. I'm just not sure what to say.

At the moment there is a very needy little dog on my lap because she doesn't want to be anywhere else. Even though I made here a very nice spot on the floor next to me.

I'm feeling a little depressed and I'm not sure where to find my optimism again to be honest. I don't want this post to be a sad boring sludge though so that's all the negative that I'm going to allow myself to post.

The job search is ongoing as I'm sure you already know.

I had an interview with a recruiter in Columbus, Ohio last Monday. It went over really well and she has told me that she my already have an opportunity for me in the area that will allow me to use my language skills. She's waiting for word back but I may head back to Ohio soon for an interview. She told me that she's confident that they will like me but without more information about the company I can't say for sure yet.

I even had time to visit my brother and see what he has been up to lately. I had to make sure he wasn't drowning in his own laundry.

I also managed to have time to spend with my good friend Chelsea! We had dinner at a really good Mediterranean restaurant called Aladdin's Eatery which is right across the street from Capital University. If you're interested in good food when you visit my brother their website is the link that follows ----> Aladdin's Eatery

Last Thursday I went for an interview in Lansing that totally wasted my time and left me kind of kicking myself. On the phone the man told me that they were labor union consulting company and I should have done more research because when I got there I found out that they wanted me to sell life insurance almost door to door. I was also the youngest person there which made me feel pretty out of place. Needless to say I turned them down. There has to be better out there.

Cassi and a friend of hers from school came to visit on Friday. I couldn't help but feel like there was some kind of massive piece of plexiglass between us. We could see each other and share polite conversation but there was this under current of silence that made me want to break things in frustration.

It was good to see her though I'm pretty embarrassed by my loud family in front of her friend. We were kind of excitable because mom decided to stream my brother's radio show.

For those of you who don't know about this you should really check it out. He does a good job and I will publicly state that I am very proud of what he is accomplishing in college. It's good to know that he enjoys it so much and that he isn't just wasting time away like I was.

His show is streaming live every Thursday and Friday night from 8pm to 10pm. You can listen from your computer by following the link here and clicking on the tab at the top that says Listen Live!

Tune in and listen up to the sounds of WXCU Radio.

On Saturday night, the other brother preformed in a school show called the Cabin Fever Variety show. It's like a local talent show. Zeke was part of the drum ensemble playing a trash can bass drum and doing a dance that I thought was cute but he won't let me say that in public so I'll just write it here instead.

The show itself was alright. I knew for the most part what I was getting into when I decided to go but I was only impressed by a single little girl in all honesty. She blew my mind with her voice and I hope that she goes a long way with it. She was amazing!

Now that both my brothers have had their mention I'm going to do a little shameless self promotion because I can and because if you don't like it you don't actually have to read it... that's how the internet works.

Both of my books are available on Amazon.

Unconventional Weaponry

Not My Choice

If you haven't already checked these out then you're missing out because people have told me that they're pretty good. I'm just excited to have a physical book of them since they were once just words in my head.

I enjoyed writing them so please enjoy reading them!

I guess that is really about all that I have to say to for this update. I'm searching and hoping that my next adventure comes quick because I really hate asking my parents for money and the whole dependence thing is really not the way I want to live my life.

I have dreams of a place of my own with a career that keeps me on my toes. Someday it will come. I just have to be patient enough for it to come and that is the hardest part of it all.

So until the next post,

Blessed Be

An Ode to an Interview

Applications, forms to fill, pages to print
low on ink, printer failure
Frustration level: one

Waiting, wondering, watching
searching, listening, falling, failing?
Frustration level: two point five

Fateful day, bright burst of sunshine
ringing phone, adrenaline, optimism
Frustration diminished

Destination reached, shaking begins
nerves of steel, take the chance
Nervous level: eight

Hello, nice to meet you
take a seat and wait...
Frustration level: four

no, no, no, no, no
I'm sorry but no
Frustration level: nine

You've wasted my time
I got up my hopes
I wish I hadn't given you the chance.

Where's the Door?

College was quite the adventure, it had its ups and downs. 

I had my moments of brilliance and my moments of idiocy. 

I made new friends and discovered new lands (new to me anyway). 

I conquered exams of all shapes and sizes and I wrote my way out of the darkness that was my thesis. 

I learned a new language and practiced the one I knew. 

I found someone who truly cares about me outside of my family and I managed to hold onto him for a very eventful year. 

I lived in a dorm and I lived with my cousin in a palace with a dog and my poor little kitty who had to leave me.

I went up on stage and shook the president of the university's hand, having passed all my classes.

I closed the door on that life event but now I'm in a hall with a multitude of closed doors waiting for one to swing open and invite me in. 

People tell me about all the possibilities that area out there but I don't think they really know what's actually there. I've been told that I could do this or that when in reality I have no qualification to do that and in most cases, it doesn't matter if I'm fluent in Spanish if I don't have a special certificate that says I know how to translate. 

I started looking for jobs around Thanksgiving, hoping to find something before I graduated so that I wouldn't have the gap that I now have. I've applied to hundreds of jobs but no one is contacting me. My phone is silent and my inbox only gives me junk mail.

So where's my door?

Running short on funds to pay for my car has forced me to start applying for jobs that I'm very much overqualified for such as McDonald's and soon to be gas stations and grocery stores. 

What am I lacking?

I feel qualified but I guess that on paper I don't look qualified or something to that matter. It doesn't make sense to me after taking all that time in college to prepare for the working world why I now can't seem to jump in and find my place.

While I love my family, I'm ready to not live in Farwell. Not only is it cold and miserable, I'm forced to ask my parents for food and shelter that they shouldn't have to give. They shouldn't have to support me still, and though they don't complain, I'm sure that it would be easier if I were independent.

Since I haven't written since before graduation and Christmas, I guess I should probably get off my depressing horse and tell you what I did between then and now.

Graduation came with all its pomp and circumstance and I ended up sitting next to my friend Phoebe and shared in the comments about the procession, giggling and trying to keep each other from bursting into tears, which I ultimately did when my mother waved a rose at me from afar.

Dinner at the fancy Italian place that night was a great time. The food was great and the company made it perfect. My parents even surprised me and got me a blue sapphire ring in honor of graduation. It's beautiful and I love it dearly.

I moved out of my cousin's house the next day and headed home with a brother in the passenger seat and the snow coming down. It was an interesting trip that included stops where the whole city had no power and everyone seemed to be driving like they had to be somewhere immediately.

Christmas came in a blur of family and food. Relaxing and just enjoying our time together was great. Zac gave me the little black dragon (Toothless) who has been in photos on my Facebook page recently. 

The Friday that followed Christmas (December 27) I went back south to spend a week with Noah and his parents to celebrate the new year and Noah's birthday. We had a great week and I hope he had a great birthday. I took him to Dave and Busters the day before his birthday and then his parents took us out to Texas Roadhouse for dinner on his birthday. I even tried my first pineapple upside-down cake and even though I didn't like it I was brave enough to try it.

Saturday the 25th is the one year anniversary of the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wish I could be with him but as it stands I have no money and no way to get there.

I arrived back in time to send Zac off to Columbus with my parents and Zeke. They managed to make the round trip in a snow storm that left Zeke out of school for two days following it.

Just this past weekend, Zeke and I traded rooms. I am no longer a dungeon dweller and I have my own almost apartment space upstairs. The walls may be blue camouflage but you can't deny that it is my space now that I'm all moved in. Zeke is thrilled with his new space too so I guess this is a win-win situation. 

The only thing missing is my ability to sleep.

Hopefully, as I settle in to my new space, I'll get to point where I don't have problems sleeping.

While I'm not on the job hunt I've had time to edit my novels and get them back on the market. You can find them on Amazon and they can be ordered from retailers such as Barnes and Noble... isn't that fancy?

I'm still pretty proud of them.

I plan on going through some old stories and seeing if there is anything I can patch together from the stacks of notebooks that I have just hanging out in my room. Maybe it will inspire something I have going right now.

I've also had time to chew through two books over 300 pages in around 6 days. It is kind of a let down on myself because I don't have the money to get more books so I will be stuck for a bit after the third one is finished. I may have to go find out if the library has the book series I'm reading and get a new library card. I haven't gotten a book from them since I graduated high school... wow...

I'm also planning to maybe patch together some kind of pseudo scrapbook of my college career or at least of my Paris adventure. Creative outlet to keep my frustration with the job search in check...

I think that's all I have for this update.

If any of you out there reading this have job suggestions, I'm open to them. Just leave me a comment.

Hopefully my door will open soon and all my worries will fade into the past. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading and as always,

Blessed Be

Tick Tock...

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

I don't know what I did but there must be something wrong.

You know those horror movies where you're yelling at the girl (because it's always a girl) not to go in the room because you know its a trap?

I'm that girl and I don't have a choice anymore. I have to open the door and I have to go through it.

I'm terrified.

Like hide in a closet under a blanket, sucking your thumb and crying for your mommy terrified.

I have pictures of ghost towns on my desktop and they feel like my life right now.

It's been a strange week and every second I inch closer to my doom.

Help!

I can't stop!

I don't know what to do!

I don't want to be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life. I don't want to move back in with my parents. I don't want to be in that rinky-dink town anymore.I want to start my life. I want to have a career that I love. I want to use the skills I have and go on new adventures.

How am I supposed to make this happen?

I'm so lost it has ceased to be funny.

Job please.

I needs it.

Okay, now to translate everything...

It's my last week of my college career. I'm cutting it short by a semester. At the moment I have one day and one sort-of exam (worth 5 points) left before I am officially done. I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do after that. I know that the plan is to find a job but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels on that one. I've been applying to an outrageous number of jobs since before Thanksgiving and I haven't gotten anything back from any of them yet.

It's nerve-wracking.

So I'm headed home with a lack of options and my tail between my legs. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I feel like I've been dumped on the side of the road and told to find my way on my own.

How long will it take me to go into panic mode?

I swear I'm wearing my big girl pants but I don't think they're working. I'm not brave yet. I'm not a hot-shot business women. I'm a shivering scared little girl clinging to my big girl pants because they're too big for me!

Calm....

Graduation is Saturday morning at 10:00 am "promptly"... I'll shake the hand of the president of the University who is about to sign off on cutting more staff... (yeah, that's a great idea, not). I'll get a thing that is not my diploma and I'll move the white tassel from one side to the other... maybe I'll even throw my hat in the air.... who knows?

After that the afternoon is mine.... sorta. I'll be hanging out with family and hopefully my boyfriend who is a great source of support. We will head to dinner which will begin at 6 pm at Biaggi's Ristorante Italiano in Perrysburg. I already know what I'm going to order... I may even have a glass of wine... it is a celebration after all.

I'm going to miss all my BG friends. Hopefully we can keep in touch and get together occasionally still. I can't promise that I'll be in town but I'd like to hang out with you all in the future.

A shout out to Taylor Hawes who will be on her way to Spain next semester!!! I'm excited for her. She's going to have a great time and so many adventures. I'm almost jealous even though I've already done it. Vas a tener que hablame por Skype cuando tienes un momento libre chica!

All my Christmas shopping is done. I'm a poor college kid so there wasn't a huge list to buy... It drives me crazy that stores are so messed up this time of year. I seriously had the worst time finding things and then asked store people and they basically told me that because everything is a mess, they had no idea. So helpful.

I could use a buckeye from Aunt Nat right now...

Hmmm... what else?

I'm at work right now but everyone is in a meeting so I've got nothing to do. My last day is tomorrow. It's only slightly sad though because this could be a stepping stone. Could be but I have no idea...

Oh! A shout out to Emily Berger who is awesome for reasons I can't yet say. I have to wait until after Christmas to explain. She's just awesome anyway so I'm not sure it matters! I had a great time over lunch with her yesterday. I feel like I've been so busy lately that I'm losing touch of some of my "First Chappy" friends.

I guess that I've run out of things to say.

I'd really like to just know what my next adventure is going to be...

but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

As always,

Blessed Be

No Snow For You!

Welcome to December!

Wait no!

December?

No! It can't be!

I'm not ready!

Where's the snow?

I don't see snow so it can't be December.

No, it's probably still October.

Yeah, October. That sounds safe.

But really, are we sure that it's December?

~

Okay, so I'm sure you all know what time of the year it is without me needing to remind you about it. I mean Thanksgiving was just last weekend. Unless, you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, and believe me when I say you aren't missing anything super exciting. Not even the excitement of Black Friday Shopping. Nothing in a Wal-Mart is worth being trampled to death over (same goes for all other stores) and thus, I choose not to participate.

This year I got to bring my boyfriend home to join the family. Or what's left of the family when you take out the ones vacationing/working/living in Europe and the ones who live too far away to make the trek and/or have other family obligations.

That leaves me with:

Mom, dad, both brothers, the dog, and mom's parents.

Naturally, my mom was stressing about the event and doing everything she could to plan things by the day. Everything turned out wonderfully too, so we definitely appreciated all her hard work.

I should have stolen some leftovers to take with me...

The boyfriend and I arrived late Wednesday night since I had to work until 6 pm that day. (Hooray for ten hour days!) We basically crashed as soon as we got there so I don't have anything fun to report from that day.

We woke the next morning to Grandpa making breakfast and the smell of roasting turkey. Mom was puttering as is a normal occurrence for holiday meals and had deviled eggs ready as breakfast was ending. There were also, bacon wrapped peppers and stuffed mushrooms, all before noon.

We had the traditional Thanksgiving lunch, with dad carving the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, greenbean cassarole, corn, cornbread etc. and my only complaint is the plastic plate I ate it off. If that is a complaint at all because mostly it's not.

I think that was quite possibly the most comical Thanksgiving I've ever attended though. My family is a riot. The smallish brother decided to drink gravy and the middle child encouraged him to not only drink the gravy but to get the bar of chocolate from the freezer and dip pieces into said gravy. All of this while laughing hysterically because he knew it was ridiculous.

It snowed the whole day.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I did not see any snow until I arrived in Farwell Wednesday night and then I was stuck in it until I left Northern Michigan on Saturday afternoon.

Good news is: my car does pretty well in the snow, even when it's full of boys yelling at each other.

Friday afternoon, my brothers and my boyfriend went with me to see Catching Fire in Mt. Pleasant. We all piled into my car and took off into the snow. The worst was the parking lot at the theater though, everywhere else the roads were clear.

The movie honestly made me cry, and I've read the books. I've even been called a fanatic once or twice. I think that they did a great job with the visuals but I think they played down the arena. They could have done a whole lot more with that.

I know, I know, time constraints.

I still liked it.

Saturday, my boyfriend and I headed back to Ohio for his grandpa's funeral on Sunday. Other than the drive, the day was pretty uneventful. The snow disappeared after we left Clare County.

Sunday, was the funeral so it made it a pretty somber day. I got to meet some of his extended family and I don't think any of them would eat me alive (or at least I hope they wouldn't). I wasn't shunned or run out of town either so I guess that's a good thing.

Today is a Monday. It is pretty normal as far as Mondays are concerned. I went to work and to class then back to work and back to class. I went to the store to pick up some groceries, came home and ate Spaghetti O's from the can like the college kid that I am and finished up a research project for French Culture class.

My thesis is pretty much done. There are a few final things I want/need to do to it before finals week but I'm not worried about missing the deadline.

I have an exit grammar exam for my Spanish major on Thursday this week and another small paper for my World Politics class before Finals then I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear.

I just might be able to do this graduating from college thing. It's scary but I might be able to make this goal.

Post graduation is a mystery right now. The two solid things that I do know are that I'm moving out of Sylvania and that I will not have a job with the company that I'm at right now. My last day there will be the 20th, the day before graduation.

Job applications are out in the world and I'm not done looking. I'm hitting the web hard until I find something. Somewhere. Anywhere. I don't even care.

My cat is leaving tomorrow. He will probably get put down. We discovered him eating his tail and the vet told us that the tail will have to be amputated which will cost like $1000. So the lady who gave him to us is going to pick him up tomorrow and I probably won't see him ever again. I'm going to miss him.

To end on a positive note:

Office Christmas party at the Toledo Zoo is on Friday and hopefully I'll have a date to take with me. I don't think I've ever been to this zoo and seeing it all lit up will be fun. I even heard a rumor that they have ice-skating. That should be fun and I look forward to it.

It can only get better from our lowest points. I am beginning to see the light and I'm going to hold on to it when I get close enough.

That doesn't mean I'm done though.

Just watch, I'll have many more adventures.

As always,

Blessed Be