This is coming from a bottle of wine or at least two thirds of it but I need to write it out. Just listen to me for a moment or keep reading I guess.
After some self-reflection, I want to write this apology out for everyone to read. I have not been a good friend or family member these last few years. I was chasing a black butterfly named adventure and it took me so far away from everyone I love and care about. The fun I had now feels like a mask for all the lonely days and nights when the people around me had no clue who I was.
Now here I sit, alone, in the dark, trying to figure out what I was chasing in the first place. I feel like I threw away everything I valued and it may be too late to get those relationships back. I feel like I've put myself in a hole that I dug for myself while I was chasing that black butterfly.
I'm so sorry to all those people I wasn't there for. I'm sorry that I was to focused to see that you needed me, and that I needed you to keep me grounded. I should have listened to you when you told me that things weren't going to pan out the way I want them to.
I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you were making happy memories. I know now how much I missed just from looking at the pictures of you and other people with smiles so bright they out shine the sun. Why couldn't I be there too?
I'm so sorry that I lost touch with those of you who live in different cities and time zones. I'm sorry that I stopped writing letters and that I put so little effort into our conversations when we did have them.
I'm sorry that I pretended to be someone I'm not. I'm sorry that I thought you wouldn't like me if I wasn't some big adventure type with loads of stories. I should have been up front with you and let you see the real me, the one who stays up late writing stories of lives made of fiction and will only exist on paper.
I feel like a lost child. I want to hide under the table and cry but I know that this is just the wine talking and I that I will suppress these words again tomorrow.
I know that I'm doing life wrong. I know I'm making mistakes. I just don't know how to make it better and live life with the same smiles I see all over Facebook.
Maybe I've had my time. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I need to just lie in the bed I've made and find a new happy.
To all those people who I love and care about, who are reading this terrible post, I hope that your lives are happy and I wish you nothing but the best no matter who your friends are or who you love.
Blessed Be
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Growing Up Is Hard
I'm back world!
I never left but that's okay because you didn't know either way.
I have officially been working for the cafe for a month now and I'm still happy with it. I don't dread going in to work and I am really enjoying the company of the people I work with. They are good people and they make me happy.
Yay Friends!
In case some of these new friends are reading this for the first time, welcome to my blog. Read at your own peril or something like that. Don't worry it won't bite you.
It has been three weeks in the apartment and I am happy to say that I am settling in nicely. Noah on the other hand seems to like unpacking as much as he likes the idea of running ten miles in a thunderstorm...
We will eventually get this place in order though. It just takes a little motivation.
Motivation that I rarely have after working 8 hour shifts.
No, real world, stop. You're making me old!
So yeah, life is treating me alright. I'm working hard and paying the bills. Not much money left over for food when I'm done but we do what we can with what we have. which is why I bought a crock pot and damn it I'm excited to use it.
Though I've been thinking about this health food issue more lately.
Why is it that Americans in low income situations tend to be overweight?
It's because low income families can't afford the healthy food after they pay the bills and the parents or whoever is doing the cooking comes home exhausted after working long hours so they don't want to cook and "work" when they get home. That's why Mc Donald's and other fast food is getting their money. No one is cooking, it's cheap, and it's fast.
If we want to be a healthier nation, they are going to have to do something about poverty first.
I'm sorry, you know I'm not politically active and you know that I don't usually write stuff like this but being in this situation makes me think about these debates. Why are rich people, who have never gone hungry in their lives, deciding how much people should be allowed to have in food stamps or whatever other money they are getting from the government? It just doesn't make sense to me.
Speaking of rich people making decisions though, I'd like to share with you a news story that hit my home town this week.
Program and Personnel Cut From Northern Michigan School
Rumor has it that not only are they going to cut the Chinese Immersion program, but the one high school teacher that they want to lay-off is the Spanish teacher. The one man who made my high school career something memorable. The one man who inspired me to be who I am today. The one man working so hard to keep that school on par with the rest of the state and the nation.
Laying him off would be the biggest mistake they could ever make.
I'm appalled that they would do this. I'm appalled at what they have done to the program that I helped create, the program that was designed (if done as it was outlined) to bring in both students and government funding to the school district. In their world apparently, sports are more important than education. No wonder I was the first kid from Farwell to be an exchange student, no one else can see past the state of Michigan.
They don't see how they are going to crush down so many good things that could have happened for that group of kids in the immersion program. They don't realize what having a second language can do for someone, the opportunities that a bilingual has, because they just took that option away from those kids and I am very sorry that it came to that. I am very sorry that the school board is made of uncultured, small town, royalty who feel they need to keep the status-quo.
I could go on for a long time on this issue, but I won't bore you. Chime in with comments if you want though.
There is a group on Facebook now, which I created, for people interested in reading one of my novels and possibly giving me feedback. I don't have any restrictions on who can see the group but if you would like to be invited please let me know and I will add you to the list of members.
Okay, I think I'll just end on something new I want to start. Maybe you'll learn something new.
This day in history:
In 1943 in Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup that overthrew Ramon Castillo. He is most know for his second wife Eva Duarte known as Evita. June 4, 1946 he began his first term as president. He was elected two more times making him president until September 21, 1955 when he was overthrown.
Born on this day in 1738, George William Frederick, later known as George III, King of England. Early in his reign, Great Britain defeated France in the Seven Years' War, making England the dominant European power in North America and India. His reign later lost the American colonies to the Revolutionary War and he could not defeat Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815.
As always,
Blessed Be
I never left but that's okay because you didn't know either way.
I have officially been working for the cafe for a month now and I'm still happy with it. I don't dread going in to work and I am really enjoying the company of the people I work with. They are good people and they make me happy.
Yay Friends!
In case some of these new friends are reading this for the first time, welcome to my blog. Read at your own peril or something like that. Don't worry it won't bite you.
It has been three weeks in the apartment and I am happy to say that I am settling in nicely. Noah on the other hand seems to like unpacking as much as he likes the idea of running ten miles in a thunderstorm...
We will eventually get this place in order though. It just takes a little motivation.
Motivation that I rarely have after working 8 hour shifts.
No, real world, stop. You're making me old!
So yeah, life is treating me alright. I'm working hard and paying the bills. Not much money left over for food when I'm done but we do what we can with what we have. which is why I bought a crock pot and damn it I'm excited to use it.
Though I've been thinking about this health food issue more lately.
Why is it that Americans in low income situations tend to be overweight?
It's because low income families can't afford the healthy food after they pay the bills and the parents or whoever is doing the cooking comes home exhausted after working long hours so they don't want to cook and "work" when they get home. That's why Mc Donald's and other fast food is getting their money. No one is cooking, it's cheap, and it's fast.
If we want to be a healthier nation, they are going to have to do something about poverty first.
I'm sorry, you know I'm not politically active and you know that I don't usually write stuff like this but being in this situation makes me think about these debates. Why are rich people, who have never gone hungry in their lives, deciding how much people should be allowed to have in food stamps or whatever other money they are getting from the government? It just doesn't make sense to me.
Speaking of rich people making decisions though, I'd like to share with you a news story that hit my home town this week.
Program and Personnel Cut From Northern Michigan School
Rumor has it that not only are they going to cut the Chinese Immersion program, but the one high school teacher that they want to lay-off is the Spanish teacher. The one man who made my high school career something memorable. The one man who inspired me to be who I am today. The one man working so hard to keep that school on par with the rest of the state and the nation.
Laying him off would be the biggest mistake they could ever make.
I'm appalled that they would do this. I'm appalled at what they have done to the program that I helped create, the program that was designed (if done as it was outlined) to bring in both students and government funding to the school district. In their world apparently, sports are more important than education. No wonder I was the first kid from Farwell to be an exchange student, no one else can see past the state of Michigan.
They don't see how they are going to crush down so many good things that could have happened for that group of kids in the immersion program. They don't realize what having a second language can do for someone, the opportunities that a bilingual has, because they just took that option away from those kids and I am very sorry that it came to that. I am very sorry that the school board is made of uncultured, small town, royalty who feel they need to keep the status-quo.
I could go on for a long time on this issue, but I won't bore you. Chime in with comments if you want though.
There is a group on Facebook now, which I created, for people interested in reading one of my novels and possibly giving me feedback. I don't have any restrictions on who can see the group but if you would like to be invited please let me know and I will add you to the list of members.
Okay, I think I'll just end on something new I want to start. Maybe you'll learn something new.
This day in history:
In 1943 in Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup that overthrew Ramon Castillo. He is most know for his second wife Eva Duarte known as Evita. June 4, 1946 he began his first term as president. He was elected two more times making him president until September 21, 1955 when he was overthrown.
Born on this day in 1738, George William Frederick, later known as George III, King of England. Early in his reign, Great Britain defeated France in the Seven Years' War, making England the dominant European power in North America and India. His reign later lost the American colonies to the Revolutionary War and he could not defeat Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815.
As always,
Blessed Be
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The Adventure Has Arrived!
Alright people,
Please make sure that seatbacks and tray tables are in their upright and locked position and carry-on luggage is stowed in the overhead locker or underneath a seat prior to takeoff.
This is going to be a good one.
I have an announcement to make but I'm not going to make it until I have no other options... I like to make you read or at least skim through the whole thing before you get to the juicy bits.
I'm having a good week.
Yes, its only Wednesday but I can be optimistic.
I've been working hard and I'm having fun doing it. I'll get to that part, just hold your horses.
The sun is out, the heat is turned on and I think we may finally have the start of summer.
I broke out the shorts today since it was 81 degrees or at least that was what my phone told me it was... It could be wrong.
Either way it was hot out and I liked it!
On the television is Anthony Bourdain (my idol) and he's in Spain. I have it paused so that I don't miss the bullfight while I write this blog. It made me think of fun times with good friends and even better food. I met someone today who speaks Spanish and is hoping to get a group of people together who also speak Spanish. It could be lots of fun. I miss being able to let the Spanish roll off my tongue and honestly, I'm probably already getting rusty because of not using it in a while.
I miss the pastelerias and cafes too. I miss being able to sit down with a cup of coffee at a table that looks out at a plaza with all the people gathering and socializing before me. Maybe doing a little socializing of my own... I miss European culture. I miss it a lot.
Speaking of Europe, I'm listening to Muse. They used to be my favorite and I haven't listened to them in a while. It makes me think of friends and high school... wow I'm old. Hayley, if you're reading this, I miss talking to you. I miss reading your poems and the parts of stories you wrote. I miss going to your shows too because you're an amazing musician!
Ok, ok, enough of the past, you want to know about the adventure.
Well too bad.
You're going to have to keep reading.
Last weekend was pretty bittersweet.
I was sad that I didn't get to go to Cassi's graduation like I wanted to. I had so hoped to be there to give her a big hug and tell her congratulations... oh and yell really loud when they read off her name. Someone had to be the one to embarrass her, but it wasn't me and I'm sorry that it wasn't.
That night in Lima was pretty awesome though.
Noah and I went to see one of our favorite "local" bands by the name of Lemon Sky. You can look them up on Facebook and YouTube if you're interested in good music. I know Zac has played them on his radio show.
Anyway, they were playing at a little (and I really mean tiny) bar which is incidentally being torn down by the city of Lima... The city wants to tear down the historical old building and build something new in its place which means that the bar and the other shops and anyone who may have lived there have to leave.
Saturday night was the last night that Avalon Bar in the Square of downtown Lima was open. The owners are hoping to open in a new building but they haven't been able to find a suitable place to set up shop yet.
Noah and I were there until close talking with the band members of Lemon Sky and the owners. All great people by the way. I really hope that they are able to make something from this sad business of tearing down history.
I guess that's America for you...
Last week I told everyone that Roger's Jewelers wanted to hire me. That wasn't a lie, so don't freak out. They did want to hire me but they didn't want me to start until the end of the month. It was kind of ridiculous. I was a little disappointed when I got the news. I was even frustrated with them because the store manager didn't call on the day she said she would and she didn't have a schedule made up when I finally did talk to her after calling the store a few times just to get through to her. I don't think they thought the whole hiring thing through to be honest.
So I turned them down, but I didn't do it right away.
Friday morning, I got a call from a cafe in the downtown part of Lima. I had interviewed with them on Tuesday and I thought that it went over well. The call was one of the managers asking me if I would be interested in working for them full time starting Monday. After the disappointment of the jewelry store I was ecstatic about the opportunity to work at the cafe and even more so to have a full time job.
Monday morning at 6:30 am I started working for The Meeting Place. Click on the link if you want to know more about the place. It's pretty awesome and they serve really yummy foods and coffee drinks. Not to mention the baked goods and gluten-free products. I think there is a menu on their website so you don't have to take my word for it.
Today, they had me basically running the kitchen. I'm not as fast as the others but I got a lot of compliments and had a good go of it. I messed up a time or two but they weren't huge mistakes so I'm feeling pretty confident about what I'm doing. I'm determined to get better as I go and I'm excited to see where I can get to.
Monday afternoon, after I got out of work, Noah and I went to walk-through an apartment. We've been looking these past few weeks and were shocked by what landlords passed off as apartments. The places were not great and we were not happy. I think I posted before about someone getting to the one we actually did like before us too, so you can see the build up I'm making...
This apartment was clean though. It was decently spacious for a one bedroom apartment, there wasn't any water damage, the roof wasn't sagging, the floor was level, the appliances weren't scary, and there were a good amount of windows.
We got an application form that night.
Today, we met with the landlady (who is very nice) and went over the application and answered some questions we had. After that was all done she had a few questions of her own then she offered us the place.
We close on Monday!!!
We have a place of our own!
I'm so excited that I sang all the way back.
We're both excited. It is going to make a great place for us and I think that I'm ready for the adventure of having my own place and not feeling awkward when I go cook one of my creations.
We'll have to find a few pieces of furniture but it's garage sale season so our timing is pretty perfect.
If you have any of the following please let me know.
One small sofa/love seat
One small dinning table and chairs
An entertainment center
A coffee table (optional)
Pots and Pans
Kitchen Utensils
So now you know the news and you are free to roam about as you please.
Wish me luck on my adventure, it's going to be interesting.
That's for sure.
And as always,
Blessed Be
Please make sure that seatbacks and tray tables are in their upright and locked position and carry-on luggage is stowed in the overhead locker or underneath a seat prior to takeoff.
This is going to be a good one.
I have an announcement to make but I'm not going to make it until I have no other options... I like to make you read or at least skim through the whole thing before you get to the juicy bits.
I'm having a good week.
Yes, its only Wednesday but I can be optimistic.
I've been working hard and I'm having fun doing it. I'll get to that part, just hold your horses.
The sun is out, the heat is turned on and I think we may finally have the start of summer.
I broke out the shorts today since it was 81 degrees or at least that was what my phone told me it was... It could be wrong.
Either way it was hot out and I liked it!
On the television is Anthony Bourdain (my idol) and he's in Spain. I have it paused so that I don't miss the bullfight while I write this blog. It made me think of fun times with good friends and even better food. I met someone today who speaks Spanish and is hoping to get a group of people together who also speak Spanish. It could be lots of fun. I miss being able to let the Spanish roll off my tongue and honestly, I'm probably already getting rusty because of not using it in a while.
I miss the pastelerias and cafes too. I miss being able to sit down with a cup of coffee at a table that looks out at a plaza with all the people gathering and socializing before me. Maybe doing a little socializing of my own... I miss European culture. I miss it a lot.
Speaking of Europe, I'm listening to Muse. They used to be my favorite and I haven't listened to them in a while. It makes me think of friends and high school... wow I'm old. Hayley, if you're reading this, I miss talking to you. I miss reading your poems and the parts of stories you wrote. I miss going to your shows too because you're an amazing musician!
Ok, ok, enough of the past, you want to know about the adventure.
Well too bad.
You're going to have to keep reading.
Last weekend was pretty bittersweet.
I was sad that I didn't get to go to Cassi's graduation like I wanted to. I had so hoped to be there to give her a big hug and tell her congratulations... oh and yell really loud when they read off her name. Someone had to be the one to embarrass her, but it wasn't me and I'm sorry that it wasn't.
That night in Lima was pretty awesome though.
Noah and I went to see one of our favorite "local" bands by the name of Lemon Sky. You can look them up on Facebook and YouTube if you're interested in good music. I know Zac has played them on his radio show.
Anyway, they were playing at a little (and I really mean tiny) bar which is incidentally being torn down by the city of Lima... The city wants to tear down the historical old building and build something new in its place which means that the bar and the other shops and anyone who may have lived there have to leave.
Saturday night was the last night that Avalon Bar in the Square of downtown Lima was open. The owners are hoping to open in a new building but they haven't been able to find a suitable place to set up shop yet.
Noah and I were there until close talking with the band members of Lemon Sky and the owners. All great people by the way. I really hope that they are able to make something from this sad business of tearing down history.
I guess that's America for you...
Last week I told everyone that Roger's Jewelers wanted to hire me. That wasn't a lie, so don't freak out. They did want to hire me but they didn't want me to start until the end of the month. It was kind of ridiculous. I was a little disappointed when I got the news. I was even frustrated with them because the store manager didn't call on the day she said she would and she didn't have a schedule made up when I finally did talk to her after calling the store a few times just to get through to her. I don't think they thought the whole hiring thing through to be honest.
So I turned them down, but I didn't do it right away.
Friday morning, I got a call from a cafe in the downtown part of Lima. I had interviewed with them on Tuesday and I thought that it went over well. The call was one of the managers asking me if I would be interested in working for them full time starting Monday. After the disappointment of the jewelry store I was ecstatic about the opportunity to work at the cafe and even more so to have a full time job.
Monday morning at 6:30 am I started working for The Meeting Place. Click on the link if you want to know more about the place. It's pretty awesome and they serve really yummy foods and coffee drinks. Not to mention the baked goods and gluten-free products. I think there is a menu on their website so you don't have to take my word for it.
Today, they had me basically running the kitchen. I'm not as fast as the others but I got a lot of compliments and had a good go of it. I messed up a time or two but they weren't huge mistakes so I'm feeling pretty confident about what I'm doing. I'm determined to get better as I go and I'm excited to see where I can get to.
Monday afternoon, after I got out of work, Noah and I went to walk-through an apartment. We've been looking these past few weeks and were shocked by what landlords passed off as apartments. The places were not great and we were not happy. I think I posted before about someone getting to the one we actually did like before us too, so you can see the build up I'm making...
This apartment was clean though. It was decently spacious for a one bedroom apartment, there wasn't any water damage, the roof wasn't sagging, the floor was level, the appliances weren't scary, and there were a good amount of windows.
We got an application form that night.
Today, we met with the landlady (who is very nice) and went over the application and answered some questions we had. After that was all done she had a few questions of her own then she offered us the place.
We close on Monday!!!
We have a place of our own!
I'm so excited that I sang all the way back.
We're both excited. It is going to make a great place for us and I think that I'm ready for the adventure of having my own place and not feeling awkward when I go cook one of my creations.
We'll have to find a few pieces of furniture but it's garage sale season so our timing is pretty perfect.
If you have any of the following please let me know.
One small sofa/love seat
One small dinning table and chairs
An entertainment center
A coffee table (optional)
Pots and Pans
Kitchen Utensils
So now you know the news and you are free to roam about as you please.
Wish me luck on my adventure, it's going to be interesting.
That's for sure.
And as always,
Blessed Be
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
April Showers Bring May Flowers
Life is a roller coaster.
Seriously, I was too depressed to function just yesterday and now here I sit content and optimistic.
Why?
I don't pretend to know why things work the way they do.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I mean I have a good amount of time to my own thoughts most days which is good because Noah is making money and bringing home the bacon right now. I've just had a lot on my mind and I'm wondering what to do with my life. Things aren't exactly the way I had hoped they would be after graduating from college.
I have been playing with the idea of going back to school in the fall to work towards my masters degree. I know that I've mentioned it before but it's a harder decision for me than it seems. There are more factors involved than the surface few and I'm finding it harder and harder to make a definitive choice.
Thinking about getting my masters also quite frankly depresses me. The money that it would take to go back will only put me further into debt and the looming bills already have me scared. I don't know what I'm going to do about them and I don't know if I want to be an adult anymore.
I think I want to be one of those kids who has school paid for by their family and they are given a job randomly because their family has connections in high places. I want to be the person that can say they have their own place but doesn't have to pay for it because it was paid for by their parents. I want to be the lucky upper crust who doesn't have to worry about anything and can go out and party whenever I feel like it because money isn't scarce.
Not that I don't love my family or the way they raised me, I just find it hard to look at others living that life and having mine beat me down until I'm paying for things in the spare change I can dig out of the couch cushions.
I've been thinking about my books lately too. I'm wondering if it was worth publishing them at all. I don't think they are being read by that many people and if they are being read its just my family and friend who have chosen to pick it up.
I wish that I could hand them out to people for free and do a book signing or something. I wish I knew how to market them better and come up with a cover that isn't so boring. That stuff alone would help I'm sure.
I started writing something new just the other day and it is giving me strange dreams because it's on my mind when I go to bed. It's a different writing style for me because of the point of view but I think that I can handle it. I'm a little excited to see how the story plays out to be honest.
Now comes the bad news segment of my blog.
I've been turned down by a few more jobs in the past week. I was hoping for the best and trying hard to be optimistic about them but I guess that they weren't right for me in the end. Or maybe I wasn't right for them. I'm starting to think that having a college degree looks threatening to people.
The apartment that we were looking at and hoping for was spoken for by someone else. Apparently their application went through first because they were uneasy about us only having one income at the moment. So lesson learned about finding an apartment before you have a job. I imagine that it looks bad on the application anyway.
Now for the good news.
I have an interview next week with Family Video. The manager there said that I should start the Manager in Training program they have. That could mean that I wouldn't start on the bottom and that I would be getting better than minimum wage if I were to be accepted.
...
So my computer battery died last night and I went to bed without actually telling you the good news as I had planned to. I guess I'll just have to continue from here and apologize for the change in context.
Anyway, yesterday I was going to announce that I have been hired by a jewelry store in the Lima mall named Roger's Jewelers. I'm excited to start and I will find out tomorrow (Wednesday) what my schedule will be. I'm only part time right now so I may not be getting very good hours but the potential for growth is something I can't ignore. They have some great benefits for their employees when they start full time, including tuition reimbursement.
I got a call this morning from a cafe uptown and I scheduled an interview for later on today. You'll have to ask me later this evening how it went but I doubt that I will tell you that it went over horribly. I've always wanted to work in a cafe. It just seems like the place a novelist would spend their time.
Things are looking up!
I don't know what combination I might choose but I am going to take on two jobs right now while Roger's has me on part time. I guess that it might come down to who gives me the offer first or maybe how I feel about the people I meet when I go for the interview. First impressions are everything.
Now to find a place to live. I'm sure that it will come in good time. I'm just excited to actually have some good news to report instead of all of my depression.
Here's to hoping that the gods are good to me for a bit longer. I can only thank them for this drop of good fortune and ask that I see enough of it to finally achieve my goal of having my own place.
I hope that everyone else is having the same good fortune and that you are enjoying the warmer weather!
If you are traveling for summer vacation, I wish you safe travels.
And if you are graduating soon, well done my friends, and congratulations. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in finding out what you are going to do with the future that lies before you.
As always,
Blessed Be.
Seriously, I was too depressed to function just yesterday and now here I sit content and optimistic.
Why?
I don't pretend to know why things work the way they do.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I mean I have a good amount of time to my own thoughts most days which is good because Noah is making money and bringing home the bacon right now. I've just had a lot on my mind and I'm wondering what to do with my life. Things aren't exactly the way I had hoped they would be after graduating from college.
I have been playing with the idea of going back to school in the fall to work towards my masters degree. I know that I've mentioned it before but it's a harder decision for me than it seems. There are more factors involved than the surface few and I'm finding it harder and harder to make a definitive choice.
Thinking about getting my masters also quite frankly depresses me. The money that it would take to go back will only put me further into debt and the looming bills already have me scared. I don't know what I'm going to do about them and I don't know if I want to be an adult anymore.
I think I want to be one of those kids who has school paid for by their family and they are given a job randomly because their family has connections in high places. I want to be the person that can say they have their own place but doesn't have to pay for it because it was paid for by their parents. I want to be the lucky upper crust who doesn't have to worry about anything and can go out and party whenever I feel like it because money isn't scarce.
Not that I don't love my family or the way they raised me, I just find it hard to look at others living that life and having mine beat me down until I'm paying for things in the spare change I can dig out of the couch cushions.
I've been thinking about my books lately too. I'm wondering if it was worth publishing them at all. I don't think they are being read by that many people and if they are being read its just my family and friend who have chosen to pick it up.
I wish that I could hand them out to people for free and do a book signing or something. I wish I knew how to market them better and come up with a cover that isn't so boring. That stuff alone would help I'm sure.
I started writing something new just the other day and it is giving me strange dreams because it's on my mind when I go to bed. It's a different writing style for me because of the point of view but I think that I can handle it. I'm a little excited to see how the story plays out to be honest.
Now comes the bad news segment of my blog.
I've been turned down by a few more jobs in the past week. I was hoping for the best and trying hard to be optimistic about them but I guess that they weren't right for me in the end. Or maybe I wasn't right for them. I'm starting to think that having a college degree looks threatening to people.
The apartment that we were looking at and hoping for was spoken for by someone else. Apparently their application went through first because they were uneasy about us only having one income at the moment. So lesson learned about finding an apartment before you have a job. I imagine that it looks bad on the application anyway.
Now for the good news.
I have an interview next week with Family Video. The manager there said that I should start the Manager in Training program they have. That could mean that I wouldn't start on the bottom and that I would be getting better than minimum wage if I were to be accepted.
...
So my computer battery died last night and I went to bed without actually telling you the good news as I had planned to. I guess I'll just have to continue from here and apologize for the change in context.
Anyway, yesterday I was going to announce that I have been hired by a jewelry store in the Lima mall named Roger's Jewelers. I'm excited to start and I will find out tomorrow (Wednesday) what my schedule will be. I'm only part time right now so I may not be getting very good hours but the potential for growth is something I can't ignore. They have some great benefits for their employees when they start full time, including tuition reimbursement.
I got a call this morning from a cafe uptown and I scheduled an interview for later on today. You'll have to ask me later this evening how it went but I doubt that I will tell you that it went over horribly. I've always wanted to work in a cafe. It just seems like the place a novelist would spend their time.
Things are looking up!
I don't know what combination I might choose but I am going to take on two jobs right now while Roger's has me on part time. I guess that it might come down to who gives me the offer first or maybe how I feel about the people I meet when I go for the interview. First impressions are everything.
Now to find a place to live. I'm sure that it will come in good time. I'm just excited to actually have some good news to report instead of all of my depression.
Here's to hoping that the gods are good to me for a bit longer. I can only thank them for this drop of good fortune and ask that I see enough of it to finally achieve my goal of having my own place.
I hope that everyone else is having the same good fortune and that you are enjoying the warmer weather!
If you are traveling for summer vacation, I wish you safe travels.
And if you are graduating soon, well done my friends, and congratulations. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in finding out what you are going to do with the future that lies before you.
As always,
Blessed Be.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
All About April
Spring is in the air. Or at least it should be.
Since it snowed yesterday, I'm hesitating on this whole spring thing.
I can see flowers popping out of the ground though and I can see the people starting to put their furniture out on porches again so that they can sit out there and eat dinner after a long day at work.
I've been thinking about doing something like that in my own dream world too. At my dream house, with a good book, sitting on the front porch, listening to the kids playing somewhere in the neighborhood.
I've been dreaming about houses a lot lately. It's the place that my brain goes to when I can't take the frustration of not being able to find a job/career.
I dream of a good sized house with a covered porch. I dream of the Victorian curved sort of turret where I can curl up with a good book and listen to the rain hit the window panes. I dream of cooking all sorts exotic foods that I've experimented with and the smell of the foods that my mom used to make. I dream of having friends over and eating good food with me while playing board games and chatting.
I dream of having a career too but I'm pretty stuck on that one.
I honestly don't know what to do about that. I've applied to everything I can find and even to places that aren't hiring now. I've been going around like a chicken with my head cut off and I feel twice as useless.
I interviewed last Monday over the phone with a publishing company for their Spanish department but when I wrote a follow-up email to the lady I spoke to, I almost instantly got a rejection email back. It was severely disappointing because it might have been cool to live in Western Chicago with all that big city culture and new things/places to explore.
I also did an interview this past Monday for a jeweler in the Lima mall. It seemed to go well and they scheduled a follow-up for next week. It could be an interesting field to work in and I could get bonuses for meeting goals like selling so much worth of items and other stuff.
I'm still waiting on word from Critical Mix. I have emailed the supervisor and he said that they were still doing interviews so that could still be something that works out in the end... I just wish they would hurry up.
The recruiter in Columbus called the other day to tell me that she may have something for me but she wants to send more than one application to the company at one time so she was hoping to get one more person to put with me before sending my info. It would let me use my Spanish and I'd be in Columbus so that I could bother my little brother all the time if I wanted to.
I can't thank Noah enough for supporting me right now and letting me complain without end about having no money or not being able to do stuff. He has been so good to me and I don't know what I would be doing without him in my life.
We've been looking at places for us to live, I think we may have found one that we'd be able to get with the money he has saved up but I still don't want him to have to do it by himself. I would feel pretty awful about that. It would be nice to have our own place though.
I read the first Game of Thrones book in two weeks. I got really into the story and I recommend it to anyone who likes Lord of the Rings. That high fantasy set in a medieval realm is exactly what I needed to get my mind off everything that had made me frustrated during the day.
We started watching the first season of the show and I'm into that too. It was probably really annoying for Noah because I had a comment for many things that have happened so far but I'm really trying hard to keep my mouth shut. It's just really hard.
I need to find the second book so that I can start reading that and getting my mind off the world while Noah does what he wants to do. I'm pretty annoying when I get bored.
Case in Point: today I got bored and found two plastic Easter eggs. For a while I was entertained by cracking them open and then getting the dang things to go back together. (They wouldn't stay closed.) Then that wasn't entertaining anymore and I had to think of something new to do... So, while Noah was distracted with his video game, I closed them around his hair and let them hang there. He had no idea they were even there until later when he went to push his hair out of his face and pulled his own hair. He probably would have walked out of the house with them if he hadn't moved his hair. It was pretty funny.
Hopefully, my next post will have better news in it than this one. I know that I'm not as upbeat as I could be but I'm doing what I can with what I've been given and I don't know how anyone can do better.
I hope everyone has a very happy Easter holiday, whether you are with family or not. Just make it a happy day like any other. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, it doesn't matter. Just make yourself happy.
And as always,
Blessed Be
Since it snowed yesterday, I'm hesitating on this whole spring thing.
I can see flowers popping out of the ground though and I can see the people starting to put their furniture out on porches again so that they can sit out there and eat dinner after a long day at work.
I've been thinking about doing something like that in my own dream world too. At my dream house, with a good book, sitting on the front porch, listening to the kids playing somewhere in the neighborhood.
I've been dreaming about houses a lot lately. It's the place that my brain goes to when I can't take the frustration of not being able to find a job/career.
I dream of a good sized house with a covered porch. I dream of the Victorian curved sort of turret where I can curl up with a good book and listen to the rain hit the window panes. I dream of cooking all sorts exotic foods that I've experimented with and the smell of the foods that my mom used to make. I dream of having friends over and eating good food with me while playing board games and chatting.
I dream of having a career too but I'm pretty stuck on that one.
I honestly don't know what to do about that. I've applied to everything I can find and even to places that aren't hiring now. I've been going around like a chicken with my head cut off and I feel twice as useless.
I interviewed last Monday over the phone with a publishing company for their Spanish department but when I wrote a follow-up email to the lady I spoke to, I almost instantly got a rejection email back. It was severely disappointing because it might have been cool to live in Western Chicago with all that big city culture and new things/places to explore.
I also did an interview this past Monday for a jeweler in the Lima mall. It seemed to go well and they scheduled a follow-up for next week. It could be an interesting field to work in and I could get bonuses for meeting goals like selling so much worth of items and other stuff.
I'm still waiting on word from Critical Mix. I have emailed the supervisor and he said that they were still doing interviews so that could still be something that works out in the end... I just wish they would hurry up.
The recruiter in Columbus called the other day to tell me that she may have something for me but she wants to send more than one application to the company at one time so she was hoping to get one more person to put with me before sending my info. It would let me use my Spanish and I'd be in Columbus so that I could bother my little brother all the time if I wanted to.
I can't thank Noah enough for supporting me right now and letting me complain without end about having no money or not being able to do stuff. He has been so good to me and I don't know what I would be doing without him in my life.
We've been looking at places for us to live, I think we may have found one that we'd be able to get with the money he has saved up but I still don't want him to have to do it by himself. I would feel pretty awful about that. It would be nice to have our own place though.
I read the first Game of Thrones book in two weeks. I got really into the story and I recommend it to anyone who likes Lord of the Rings. That high fantasy set in a medieval realm is exactly what I needed to get my mind off everything that had made me frustrated during the day.
We started watching the first season of the show and I'm into that too. It was probably really annoying for Noah because I had a comment for many things that have happened so far but I'm really trying hard to keep my mouth shut. It's just really hard.
I need to find the second book so that I can start reading that and getting my mind off the world while Noah does what he wants to do. I'm pretty annoying when I get bored.
Case in Point: today I got bored and found two plastic Easter eggs. For a while I was entertained by cracking them open and then getting the dang things to go back together. (They wouldn't stay closed.) Then that wasn't entertaining anymore and I had to think of something new to do... So, while Noah was distracted with his video game, I closed them around his hair and let them hang there. He had no idea they were even there until later when he went to push his hair out of his face and pulled his own hair. He probably would have walked out of the house with them if he hadn't moved his hair. It was pretty funny.
Hopefully, my next post will have better news in it than this one. I know that I'm not as upbeat as I could be but I'm doing what I can with what I've been given and I don't know how anyone can do better.
I hope everyone has a very happy Easter holiday, whether you are with family or not. Just make it a happy day like any other. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, it doesn't matter. Just make yourself happy.
And as always,
Blessed Be
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Making March Mine
Things in life work in strange ways. You might have a plan in your head but then that plan just goes backwards and you are left with less than what you started with. You might get hit with so many problems that your plan becomes completely impossible or you might be looking at your plan in a way that the universe rejects... either way it becomes a problem of trying really hard and getting nowhere.
I found a quote a while back and I think it fits here nicely so I want to share it with you.
In case you can't see the picture, it reads, "An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, just imagine that it's going to launch you into something great."
I had been feeling like I was being pulled backward since December and Graduation. I still haven't felt that feeling of accomplishment that is supposed to come with completing college and I felt like I was the train car who fell off the tracks. I wasn't getting anywhere and the hole that I was creating in the fights with my parents over my job search wasn't helping.
Farwell may be a great place for lots of people but I don't think that I ever fit the mold of people who love living there. I got so frustrated by so many things in that town even though I still loved the trees and being with family. Don't get me wrong, I had and still have great friends who like it there or whatever but I don't think that I was ever content with settling down there. My adventures were always nagging in the back of my head, telling me that there was bigger and better somewhere else.
So to get to my point of all this, my new adventure has found me!
I haven't said anything about it because I wanted this to be my own decision and figure things out on my own. I needed to get my big girl pants on firmly and not let anyone hang off the pant-legs trying to get me to go one direction or the other.
I am currently in Lima, Ohio living with my boyfriend and starting a very grown up life. We're looking at a few options for housing together, splitting rent of course and we may soon make a move on one depending on how things work themselves out.
I'm waiting on a phone call from one of two places with which I've interviewed and feel good about getting a job at whichever offers me a position. No, they are not career places but I have not stopped looking for that either. I'm still working with the recruiter in Columbus, Ohio and I'm doing a lot of online job applications. I'm still optimistic about things working themselves out when they are meant to.
What else?
Happy first day of Spring! I hope that wherever you are it is sunny at the very least. I know that I would enjoy some more heat right now but I can't complain because there isn't any snow on the ground to make me sad. I'll just have to keep my toes under a blankie for now and enjoy the sunshine that I do have.
My novels are still available on Amazon for those of you who still haven't seen them. Sales are non-existant at this point so all I can do is keep trying to market them... unless someone wants to lend me $500 to pay the big name publisher who wants to publish and market my novels. A branch of Random House publishing has been in contact with me about publishing just one at that price but the optimism in me says that if they got one they will like the other.
I'm thinking about giving that fund raising website a try but I probably won't. It just seems too impersonal to me.
Well, I know that this is just a quick update but my computer's battery is going to die in a minute so I'm going to post this before that happens. I'm sure that I'll have more to say later. I usually do.
Bright Blessings!
I found a quote a while back and I think it fits here nicely so I want to share it with you.
I had been feeling like I was being pulled backward since December and Graduation. I still haven't felt that feeling of accomplishment that is supposed to come with completing college and I felt like I was the train car who fell off the tracks. I wasn't getting anywhere and the hole that I was creating in the fights with my parents over my job search wasn't helping.
Farwell may be a great place for lots of people but I don't think that I ever fit the mold of people who love living there. I got so frustrated by so many things in that town even though I still loved the trees and being with family. Don't get me wrong, I had and still have great friends who like it there or whatever but I don't think that I was ever content with settling down there. My adventures were always nagging in the back of my head, telling me that there was bigger and better somewhere else.
So to get to my point of all this, my new adventure has found me!
I haven't said anything about it because I wanted this to be my own decision and figure things out on my own. I needed to get my big girl pants on firmly and not let anyone hang off the pant-legs trying to get me to go one direction or the other.
I am currently in Lima, Ohio living with my boyfriend and starting a very grown up life. We're looking at a few options for housing together, splitting rent of course and we may soon make a move on one depending on how things work themselves out.
I'm waiting on a phone call from one of two places with which I've interviewed and feel good about getting a job at whichever offers me a position. No, they are not career places but I have not stopped looking for that either. I'm still working with the recruiter in Columbus, Ohio and I'm doing a lot of online job applications. I'm still optimistic about things working themselves out when they are meant to.
What else?
Happy first day of Spring! I hope that wherever you are it is sunny at the very least. I know that I would enjoy some more heat right now but I can't complain because there isn't any snow on the ground to make me sad. I'll just have to keep my toes under a blankie for now and enjoy the sunshine that I do have.
My novels are still available on Amazon for those of you who still haven't seen them. Sales are non-existant at this point so all I can do is keep trying to market them... unless someone wants to lend me $500 to pay the big name publisher who wants to publish and market my novels. A branch of Random House publishing has been in contact with me about publishing just one at that price but the optimism in me says that if they got one they will like the other.
I'm thinking about giving that fund raising website a try but I probably won't. It just seems too impersonal to me.
Well, I know that this is just a quick update but my computer's battery is going to die in a minute so I'm going to post this before that happens. I'm sure that I'll have more to say later. I usually do.
Bright Blessings!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Cabin Fever February
I've been trying to blog for days now. I'm just not sure what to say.
At the moment there is a very needy little dog on my lap because she doesn't want to be anywhere else. Even though I made here a very nice spot on the floor next to me.
I'm feeling a little depressed and I'm not sure where to find my optimism again to be honest. I don't want this post to be a sad boring sludge though so that's all the negative that I'm going to allow myself to post.
The job search is ongoing as I'm sure you already know.
I had an interview with a recruiter in Columbus, Ohio last Monday. It went over really well and she has told me that she my already have an opportunity for me in the area that will allow me to use my language skills. She's waiting for word back but I may head back to Ohio soon for an interview. She told me that she's confident that they will like me but without more information about the company I can't say for sure yet.
I even had time to visit my brother and see what he has been up to lately. I had to make sure he wasn't drowning in his own laundry.
I also managed to have time to spend with my good friend Chelsea! We had dinner at a really good Mediterranean restaurant called Aladdin's Eatery which is right across the street from Capital University. If you're interested in good food when you visit my brother their website is the link that follows ----> Aladdin's Eatery
Last Thursday I went for an interview in Lansing that totally wasted my time and left me kind of kicking myself. On the phone the man told me that they were labor union consulting company and I should have done more research because when I got there I found out that they wanted me to sell life insurance almost door to door. I was also the youngest person there which made me feel pretty out of place. Needless to say I turned them down. There has to be better out there.
Cassi and a friend of hers from school came to visit on Friday. I couldn't help but feel like there was some kind of massive piece of plexiglass between us. We could see each other and share polite conversation but there was this under current of silence that made me want to break things in frustration.
It was good to see her though I'm pretty embarrassed by my loud family in front of her friend. We were kind of excitable because mom decided to stream my brother's radio show.
For those of you who don't know about this you should really check it out. He does a good job and I will publicly state that I am very proud of what he is accomplishing in college. It's good to know that he enjoys it so much and that he isn't just wasting time away like I was.
His show is streaming live every Thursday and Friday night from 8pm to 10pm. You can listen from your computer by following the link here and clicking on the tab at the top that says Listen Live!
Tune in and listen up to the sounds of WXCU Radio.
On Saturday night, the other brother preformed in a school show called the Cabin Fever Variety show. It's like a local talent show. Zeke was part of the drum ensemble playing a trash can bass drum and doing a dance that I thought was cute but he won't let me say that in public so I'll just write it here instead.
The show itself was alright. I knew for the most part what I was getting into when I decided to go but I was only impressed by a single little girl in all honesty. She blew my mind with her voice and I hope that she goes a long way with it. She was amazing!
Now that both my brothers have had their mention I'm going to do a little shameless self promotion because I can and because if you don't like it you don't actually have to read it... that's how the internet works.
Both of my books are available on Amazon.
If you haven't already checked these out then you're missing out because people have told me that they're pretty good. I'm just excited to have a physical book of them since they were once just words in my head.
I enjoyed writing them so please enjoy reading them!
I guess that is really about all that I have to say to for this update. I'm searching and hoping that my next adventure comes quick because I really hate asking my parents for money and the whole dependence thing is really not the way I want to live my life.
I have dreams of a place of my own with a career that keeps me on my toes. Someday it will come. I just have to be patient enough for it to come and that is the hardest part of it all.
So until the next post,
Blessed Be
At the moment there is a very needy little dog on my lap because she doesn't want to be anywhere else. Even though I made here a very nice spot on the floor next to me.
I'm feeling a little depressed and I'm not sure where to find my optimism again to be honest. I don't want this post to be a sad boring sludge though so that's all the negative that I'm going to allow myself to post.
The job search is ongoing as I'm sure you already know.
I had an interview with a recruiter in Columbus, Ohio last Monday. It went over really well and she has told me that she my already have an opportunity for me in the area that will allow me to use my language skills. She's waiting for word back but I may head back to Ohio soon for an interview. She told me that she's confident that they will like me but without more information about the company I can't say for sure yet.
I even had time to visit my brother and see what he has been up to lately. I had to make sure he wasn't drowning in his own laundry.
I also managed to have time to spend with my good friend Chelsea! We had dinner at a really good Mediterranean restaurant called Aladdin's Eatery which is right across the street from Capital University. If you're interested in good food when you visit my brother their website is the link that follows ----> Aladdin's Eatery
Last Thursday I went for an interview in Lansing that totally wasted my time and left me kind of kicking myself. On the phone the man told me that they were labor union consulting company and I should have done more research because when I got there I found out that they wanted me to sell life insurance almost door to door. I was also the youngest person there which made me feel pretty out of place. Needless to say I turned them down. There has to be better out there.
Cassi and a friend of hers from school came to visit on Friday. I couldn't help but feel like there was some kind of massive piece of plexiglass between us. We could see each other and share polite conversation but there was this under current of silence that made me want to break things in frustration.
It was good to see her though I'm pretty embarrassed by my loud family in front of her friend. We were kind of excitable because mom decided to stream my brother's radio show.
For those of you who don't know about this you should really check it out. He does a good job and I will publicly state that I am very proud of what he is accomplishing in college. It's good to know that he enjoys it so much and that he isn't just wasting time away like I was.
His show is streaming live every Thursday and Friday night from 8pm to 10pm. You can listen from your computer by following the link here and clicking on the tab at the top that says Listen Live!
Tune in and listen up to the sounds of WXCU Radio.
On Saturday night, the other brother preformed in a school show called the Cabin Fever Variety show. It's like a local talent show. Zeke was part of the drum ensemble playing a trash can bass drum and doing a dance that I thought was cute but he won't let me say that in public so I'll just write it here instead.
The show itself was alright. I knew for the most part what I was getting into when I decided to go but I was only impressed by a single little girl in all honesty. She blew my mind with her voice and I hope that she goes a long way with it. She was amazing!
Now that both my brothers have had their mention I'm going to do a little shameless self promotion because I can and because if you don't like it you don't actually have to read it... that's how the internet works.
Both of my books are available on Amazon.
I enjoyed writing them so please enjoy reading them!
I guess that is really about all that I have to say to for this update. I'm searching and hoping that my next adventure comes quick because I really hate asking my parents for money and the whole dependence thing is really not the way I want to live my life.
I have dreams of a place of my own with a career that keeps me on my toes. Someday it will come. I just have to be patient enough for it to come and that is the hardest part of it all.
So until the next post,
Blessed Be
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