Life's an adventure.

Hey guys!

I know I keep starting like that and I should probably come up with something a bit more original but I don't think I really care enough to figure out how to address a bunch of people who may or may not be reading these posts from my life. So you'll have to deal with it or stop reading.

Wow, that was blunt. I've been on a sort of streak with bluntly, brutally honest lately. It's probably a turn-off to all those potential guys I'm potentially going to meet in my life but right now I'm perfectly cheery. To prove this point, take last week.

After a weekend of moping and watching trashy television shows, I decided to have a good week, and guess what. I did.

I had BWW with a friend on Monday after taking part of my day to go for a bike ride up to Kroger and Goodwill just for myself. I even stopped to have lunch while I was out, just because I could. I have to admit though that I was a little freaked out leaving my bike outside the shops without a lock so I finally broke down and bought one of those so that the next time I decide to head somewhere, I won't have to worry so much. I think I may go Wednesday this week but let me tell you about last week before I elaborate on all of that.

Tuesday, I had a date. It didn't go as well as I had hoped it would but I can't complain. I got to meet someone new and actually act my age for once. I feel like I haven't been able to act like myself in awhile for some reason and now that I don't care how people take me or leave me, the world seems like a new place. But anyway, back to the guy. He was cute but he wasn't my type and chivalry was dead to him, aka I paid the $2.50 I owed for my beer. I'm not mad though. Trial and error. He would make a good friend and I'm glad that I got to meet him because he made me laugh.

Speaking of laughs.....

Wait! Thursday, I have to mention that I went to a jazz concert on Thursday before we get to Friday. I went to the college of musical arts and watched what they called "Jazz Spotlight". It was pretty cool and the guest player was seriously into his music. His name was Sean Jones, and he's a trumpet player. If you like jazz at all you should look him up. Apparently, he has a few albums and I'd say they're worth listening to if they're anything like how he played at this concert.

Okay, now Friday...
I went on another date with a different guy who is an absolute riot. I couldn't stop laughing at the way we carried on a conversation. No one would understand what we were talking about if they walked up to us.... it was like I didn't need to put up my guard at all because I was more focused on what he was going to say next. Pros: laughing, cheddar bacon french fries, he paid, he smelled amazing, dreamy blue eyes, he drives a mustang.
Cons: he was late, he didn't stay long, he's not as tall as I hoped.

Saturday, I was bored and a little stupid. I had slept till noon because I didn't feel like getting up, then did some research for a paper I was going to write but never did.... I was even going to go to a ritual but I decided that I like being a loner much better than joining a group. I know what I believe and when I get my own place I'll expand my practicing but I don't need someone telling me what to do when it comes to my spirituality. I already have enough people telling me how to act in society and professors breathing down my neck for this assignment or another....

As you may have noticed, it was a full moon Saturday, and I decided I was going to go out and go dancing. Problem was, no one wanted to go with me. The universe was pushing me to go but I was nervous to go alone. I had to actually stop thinking about it before I got up the gumption to leave the house. I went to the most tame place I could think of and was feeling a little silly when I got there but I was quickly picked up by a lovely group of girls whose names I can't remember.

Before I was picked up by the girls though, there was this bouncer who took it upon himself to talk to me and figure out why I was alone. He was like a burst of chivalrous light, and he didn't look half bad either. Okay, he was really cute, I'll admit it. It didn't take me long after the girls brightened my night that I joined the crowd and started to dance, because that was what I went there for. That's when my superman decided to come back by and put a bead necklace over my head "for perking up"... I melted.
After he walked away, I found a pen and a napkin and wrote "Call me sometime" on it with my number and my name, then like a silly middle school kid, I had someone deliver it for me.

I watched him smile when he got it but I wasn't sure if he was just being nice or what so I went on dancing and every time he caught me looking, he smiled....

This morning, I got a text from him.

I feel like a child with a shiny new toy. Nothing like this has ever happened to me because I've never had the courage to let my hair down and be myself. It doesn't hurt that I'm kinda adorable too.
This self-confidence has come out of nowhere and I'm not planning to let it go without a long hard fight. I like being me without caring what people think.

So, moving on....
That paper I did research for was done this morning in under 4 hours. Four pages, single spaced, 1000+ words with a works cited page. That, and you know it was pure genius because I wrote it. (kidding).

My roommate, her boyfriend and I went out for pizza and cookies tonight. They're a riot. It's funny to see how much they feed off each other, but in a good way. He sort-of makes google-eyes at her too which is pretty cute. Ah to be young.... lol.

This week is short as far as classes. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday then we get Thursday and Friday off for fall break. I won't write my plans out here but they should be fun.
Wednesday evening I'm headed to an opera with the french house. It's titled La boheme and I'm really excited about it since it will be my first opera experience....

Wish me luck on my Roman Life midterm this week.

Otherwise, have a great week everyone!
I'll update soon hopefully.

Bright Blessings!

Moving On

Well,

This is my first step.

I know you probably are wondering what I'm talking about but let me go before I explain.

This is my first step. I'm starting fresh. I won't say that I didn't need him, and I won't say that it doesn't hurt but I'm not going to make this worse than it needs to be. This is me being the bigger person. The witch with the knowledge that putting negativity and hate into the world is like throwing a knife in a crowded room.

I wear a ring where one day maybe a wedding ring will sit, my mom bought it for me and on it reads "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." I've been wearing it for awhile but I think I'm finally taking it to heart. I'm finally taking the step. I just needed to be shoved on my face so that I would know that I could get up on my own two feet and be better for it.

That being said, I have no idea where I'm going, but that's the adventure of it. I'm on my own again. I'm running around marveling at all the things my eyes missed somehow before. I'm watching the rain with a new fascination and I can smell the wet earth and know of the magic it holds, ready and waiting for me give it love. The trees will soon turn colors and I can hardly wait to dance among the colors, not caring what anyone has to say about it.

This is a new chapter.

I know I've said this before but this one is different. I'm fighting for this new beginning. I'm fighting against the pain I feel inside, fighting to feel alive. I'm going to make it on this path. I trust the Goddess and I'm not afraid to say that.

I don't care if you accept me for who I am or not. I'm done with that silliness. I am not some child you can lie to and show a pretty thing just to make me stop questioning for the truth. I am a woman. I hold my head high and I stand on my own two feet, even when I'm trembling all over. I'm done hiding and pretending. I'm done telling you that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm done being weak and stepped on.

This is the woman I am. This is the power of a witch and I'm proud of it.

And now that I've given this declaration to the world, you are free to do with it as you wish. I refuse hatred, but if you must hate me I want you to know that I will NEVER hate you. We must each make our own decisions and that is all anyone can ask for.

Happy Autumn my friends!

Now, to explain,

I'm not sure that I owe anyone an explanation but as I'm pouring myself out into this blog, I might as well.

The boy that made me so happy, who I thought was more, has left the picture. He told me that I deserved better and I'm going to say that he may be right. I don't plan to dwell on it. I'm moving on.

I've made it through a week of pain an anguish now and I'm done. I don't deserve to fall back into my personal pit of despair because of this and thanks to time, rain, friends, tissues, and copious amounts of chocolate, I'm going to be okay.

I really mean that this time.

I know that the gods are guiding me. I know that my path will unfold and that I will have more challenges but I know that even when I fall, I can overcome the pain, because that is what I'm doing now.

So here's to Kurt. Here's to the guy who made me grow up. To the guy who will forever hold a tiny sliver of me, because that's all I'm allowing. May you live a beautiful long life, meet the girl who will give you everything you deserve, have a beautiful family and most importantly, may you be happy. I hold no grudge against you.

Thank you to my friends for having my back and catching me as I fell. You seemed to come out of the walls when I needed you, even though I had no idea how important you were to me. I promise that I'm only a phone call away whenever the time comes that I get the honor of holding you up. I love you all.

Thank you to the rain, for washing me clean. For letting me let go. For drowning out the sound of my sorrow. I could not have asked for more perfect timing.

Thank you to my roommate for making sure I was still alive through this whole ordeal. I know I must have looked a mess but you never said so. You were always there with a compliment and whatever I could have possibly needed. Even when I didn't really need it. You're an amazing girl and I'm so glad I get to share this year with you.

To my mom, I'm sorry for snapping at you when I was falling apart. I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you. I love you with all that I am and I wish I could have been there to cry on your shoulder. Thank you for checking on me and sending me beautiful messages that keep my chin up when I'm feeling like I've been hit by a semi-truck. Thank you for always being there.

And on that beautiful note,

Blessed Be my friends, may autumn bring you an abundance of joy and warmth as we flow slowly toward the winter and the end of this very long year. May your hearth stay full of warmth and friendship.

Making it to Adulthood...

Hey all you funky party people! Are you having fun?

I know I am. Life is peachy and I feel incredibly loved. 

This is me, blogging from my new computer and loving that I can do so much on it already without having it be silly and need to reboot every five minutes.

This is bound to be a longer post, so buckle in and keep your eyes on the page. Things are going to be very interesting and I'm going to have to say all the things on my mind. It may or may not be in any specific order either because this is a test to see who's following along or lagging behind.

So anyway, I've been through exactly four weeks of school now and with mild amounts of success mixed with frustrations and setbacks that make pretty much no sense most of the time. I'm doing alright actually. Now that I have this beautiful new computer which I am using at Deb and Tony's right now, I feel like life is going to be just the more peachy and enjoyable.

I have been pretty much (knock on wood) migraine free for the past four weeks except that I took some of my meds yesterday and had to take things slower than I usually do for a Thursday. Yeah, I think I've mentioned before that Tuesday's and Thursday's are my busy days and that I really don't do a whole lot of anything when Wednesday's and Friday's roll around. (Yes, I know that I need a job but finding one is easier said than done.) 

On the topic of meds, I was at the neurologist in Ann Arbor on Monday (9/10). The doctor told me that the Chiari malformation is not the cause of my head pain. She showed me pictures of my brain, and she explained everything so I am going to have to agree with her that there is nothing wrong with my brain at all, except maybe the scattered part sometimes that makes me think of things like my amazing stories.

I'm thinking that you probably want to know anything I'm willing to tell you about my birthday too. What if I said that I'm not willing to tell you anything. What happens on your twenty first, stays......okay that doesn't make any sense. I'll just suck it up and fill you in on the amazing week I had.

Labor day weekend, I was in Hicksville with Deb and Tony and my cousins. I had a great time like I always do when I'm here and Tony made a really great meal of duck with a mushroom risotto and an asian salad whose name I can't remember for the life of me. My boyfriend even showed up on Sunday to partake in the wonders that are Tony's cooking. Plus, the wine and the company were great so I can't imagine why anyone would dislike repeating that night.

The week of my birthday was from Tuesday on, absolute, pure to the core, chaos. Between classes and friends and other commitments, I was seriously swamped in things that were going on in my life.

I made up a lab that I missed when I went to the neurologist this past Monday, on my birthday from 7 to 9 pm which was not my idea of having fun but my roommate (who is an absolute doll) made my day worth it by keeping my spirits high. Then I got these lovely roses in the mail from Sara and Ian. They were and still are absolutely beautiful. So that made me smile even more. To add to that, all these wonderful friends of mine wrote me on my facebook wall to tell me Happy Birthday because they were thinking of me. I felt so very loved. It was great.

So as you may have guessed, I did not go out at midnight to drink on my birthday or whatever it would have been that I would do to celebrate being of legal drinking age. I was responsible enough to wait until Thursday night to have drinks with Anne at Trotter's with dinner, which of course was a great time! I then proceeded to go back and sleep in my dorm room so that I could get up just before noon on Friday in order to partake in the free massages over at the counseling center's open house.

Then of course my friends stepped in to make my day even better, and taking me to get a pedicure. So I have purple toenails and soft beautiful feet.... yeah that was probably more than you wanted to know but I don't think I care... (insert evil laugh here)

Okay so back to Friday before I get distracted again..... I've been writing this blog now for like 3 hours or something. It's slightly ridiculous.

Ahhhh! 

Back to Friday!

Yes, ummm... okay, so for those of you out of the loop, I have a boyfriend but that's all I have to say about that because I'm trying to get all of this down before it leaves my head for good.

So Friday night, my boyfriend took me to Columbus for dinner because he's an amazing guy and it was a really up-scale place with some really good whiskey, scotch, bourbon, etc. and the food was good too! The place is called Barrel 44 on High Street and I really had a great time. I would suggest this place to anyone with any sort of taste-buds because it is definitely worth the drive.

Saturday, I went to Black Swamp Arts Festival up town Bowling Green and walked around there, looking at all the art and thinking about past years of going  there and thinking that it's been way too long since I've seen some of my friends from high school. Oh, the reminiscing that is happening right now and that was happening then. It's so hard to believe that this is my 3rd year being in college.

Saturday night, Carmen and Eric took me out and we had a good time until they had to leave and I hung out with a friend until around midnight. Carmen made me an amazing necklace by the way. I haven't taken it off since she gave it to me and I don't plan on taking it off anytime soon.

So yeah, now we've come full circle and we're back to Monday because I didn't do anything exciting on Sunday at all unless of course you count homework and sleep on your list of top thrill activities..... then of course it was an amazing day too.

This week has been uneventful and I'm pretty happy that I get some down time. Sunday, I'm hoping to see my boyfriend and spend some time with him. Maybe we'll go for a picnic but that's only if the weather doesn't tear up those plans and decide to rain on my parade of joyful flower picking, tree hugging and rolling in the grass one last time before the leaves start to fall. Then, I'll have to break out my hoodies....

So my friends we've come to the end of this one. I know that I promised a long one and that this isn't so very long as I thought it would be but I mean you could ask me anything you really want to know that I don't have up here for your reading pleasures...

That means you'll have to leave a comment or something. Until then I'm running this show and you can't do a single thing about it.

As always,

Blessed Be!