Moving On

Well,

This is my first step.

I know you probably are wondering what I'm talking about but let me go before I explain.

This is my first step. I'm starting fresh. I won't say that I didn't need him, and I won't say that it doesn't hurt but I'm not going to make this worse than it needs to be. This is me being the bigger person. The witch with the knowledge that putting negativity and hate into the world is like throwing a knife in a crowded room.

I wear a ring where one day maybe a wedding ring will sit, my mom bought it for me and on it reads "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." I've been wearing it for awhile but I think I'm finally taking it to heart. I'm finally taking the step. I just needed to be shoved on my face so that I would know that I could get up on my own two feet and be better for it.

That being said, I have no idea where I'm going, but that's the adventure of it. I'm on my own again. I'm running around marveling at all the things my eyes missed somehow before. I'm watching the rain with a new fascination and I can smell the wet earth and know of the magic it holds, ready and waiting for me give it love. The trees will soon turn colors and I can hardly wait to dance among the colors, not caring what anyone has to say about it.

This is a new chapter.

I know I've said this before but this one is different. I'm fighting for this new beginning. I'm fighting against the pain I feel inside, fighting to feel alive. I'm going to make it on this path. I trust the Goddess and I'm not afraid to say that.

I don't care if you accept me for who I am or not. I'm done with that silliness. I am not some child you can lie to and show a pretty thing just to make me stop questioning for the truth. I am a woman. I hold my head high and I stand on my own two feet, even when I'm trembling all over. I'm done hiding and pretending. I'm done telling you that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm done being weak and stepped on.

This is the woman I am. This is the power of a witch and I'm proud of it.

And now that I've given this declaration to the world, you are free to do with it as you wish. I refuse hatred, but if you must hate me I want you to know that I will NEVER hate you. We must each make our own decisions and that is all anyone can ask for.

Happy Autumn my friends!

Now, to explain,

I'm not sure that I owe anyone an explanation but as I'm pouring myself out into this blog, I might as well.

The boy that made me so happy, who I thought was more, has left the picture. He told me that I deserved better and I'm going to say that he may be right. I don't plan to dwell on it. I'm moving on.

I've made it through a week of pain an anguish now and I'm done. I don't deserve to fall back into my personal pit of despair because of this and thanks to time, rain, friends, tissues, and copious amounts of chocolate, I'm going to be okay.

I really mean that this time.

I know that the gods are guiding me. I know that my path will unfold and that I will have more challenges but I know that even when I fall, I can overcome the pain, because that is what I'm doing now.

So here's to Kurt. Here's to the guy who made me grow up. To the guy who will forever hold a tiny sliver of me, because that's all I'm allowing. May you live a beautiful long life, meet the girl who will give you everything you deserve, have a beautiful family and most importantly, may you be happy. I hold no grudge against you.

Thank you to my friends for having my back and catching me as I fell. You seemed to come out of the walls when I needed you, even though I had no idea how important you were to me. I promise that I'm only a phone call away whenever the time comes that I get the honor of holding you up. I love you all.

Thank you to the rain, for washing me clean. For letting me let go. For drowning out the sound of my sorrow. I could not have asked for more perfect timing.

Thank you to my roommate for making sure I was still alive through this whole ordeal. I know I must have looked a mess but you never said so. You were always there with a compliment and whatever I could have possibly needed. Even when I didn't really need it. You're an amazing girl and I'm so glad I get to share this year with you.

To my mom, I'm sorry for snapping at you when I was falling apart. I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you. I love you with all that I am and I wish I could have been there to cry on your shoulder. Thank you for checking on me and sending me beautiful messages that keep my chin up when I'm feeling like I've been hit by a semi-truck. Thank you for always being there.

And on that beautiful note,

Blessed Be my friends, may autumn bring you an abundance of joy and warmth as we flow slowly toward the winter and the end of this very long year. May your hearth stay full of warmth and friendship.