Tick Tock...

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

I don't know what I did but there must be something wrong.

You know those horror movies where you're yelling at the girl (because it's always a girl) not to go in the room because you know its a trap?

I'm that girl and I don't have a choice anymore. I have to open the door and I have to go through it.

I'm terrified.

Like hide in a closet under a blanket, sucking your thumb and crying for your mommy terrified.

I have pictures of ghost towns on my desktop and they feel like my life right now.

It's been a strange week and every second I inch closer to my doom.

Help!

I can't stop!

I don't know what to do!

I don't want to be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life. I don't want to move back in with my parents. I don't want to be in that rinky-dink town anymore.I want to start my life. I want to have a career that I love. I want to use the skills I have and go on new adventures.

How am I supposed to make this happen?

I'm so lost it has ceased to be funny.

Job please.

I needs it.

Okay, now to translate everything...

It's my last week of my college career. I'm cutting it short by a semester. At the moment I have one day and one sort-of exam (worth 5 points) left before I am officially done. I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do after that. I know that the plan is to find a job but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels on that one. I've been applying to an outrageous number of jobs since before Thanksgiving and I haven't gotten anything back from any of them yet.

It's nerve-wracking.

So I'm headed home with a lack of options and my tail between my legs. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I feel like I've been dumped on the side of the road and told to find my way on my own.

How long will it take me to go into panic mode?

I swear I'm wearing my big girl pants but I don't think they're working. I'm not brave yet. I'm not a hot-shot business women. I'm a shivering scared little girl clinging to my big girl pants because they're too big for me!

Calm....

Graduation is Saturday morning at 10:00 am "promptly"... I'll shake the hand of the president of the University who is about to sign off on cutting more staff... (yeah, that's a great idea, not). I'll get a thing that is not my diploma and I'll move the white tassel from one side to the other... maybe I'll even throw my hat in the air.... who knows?

After that the afternoon is mine.... sorta. I'll be hanging out with family and hopefully my boyfriend who is a great source of support. We will head to dinner which will begin at 6 pm at Biaggi's Ristorante Italiano in Perrysburg. I already know what I'm going to order... I may even have a glass of wine... it is a celebration after all.

I'm going to miss all my BG friends. Hopefully we can keep in touch and get together occasionally still. I can't promise that I'll be in town but I'd like to hang out with you all in the future.

A shout out to Taylor Hawes who will be on her way to Spain next semester!!! I'm excited for her. She's going to have a great time and so many adventures. I'm almost jealous even though I've already done it. Vas a tener que hablame por Skype cuando tienes un momento libre chica!

All my Christmas shopping is done. I'm a poor college kid so there wasn't a huge list to buy... It drives me crazy that stores are so messed up this time of year. I seriously had the worst time finding things and then asked store people and they basically told me that because everything is a mess, they had no idea. So helpful.

I could use a buckeye from Aunt Nat right now...

Hmmm... what else?

I'm at work right now but everyone is in a meeting so I've got nothing to do. My last day is tomorrow. It's only slightly sad though because this could be a stepping stone. Could be but I have no idea...

Oh! A shout out to Emily Berger who is awesome for reasons I can't yet say. I have to wait until after Christmas to explain. She's just awesome anyway so I'm not sure it matters! I had a great time over lunch with her yesterday. I feel like I've been so busy lately that I'm losing touch of some of my "First Chappy" friends.

I guess that I've run out of things to say.

I'd really like to just know what my next adventure is going to be...

but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

As always,

Blessed Be

No Snow For You!

Welcome to December!

Wait no!

December?

No! It can't be!

I'm not ready!

Where's the snow?

I don't see snow so it can't be December.

No, it's probably still October.

Yeah, October. That sounds safe.

But really, are we sure that it's December?

~

Okay, so I'm sure you all know what time of the year it is without me needing to remind you about it. I mean Thanksgiving was just last weekend. Unless, you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, and believe me when I say you aren't missing anything super exciting. Not even the excitement of Black Friday Shopping. Nothing in a Wal-Mart is worth being trampled to death over (same goes for all other stores) and thus, I choose not to participate.

This year I got to bring my boyfriend home to join the family. Or what's left of the family when you take out the ones vacationing/working/living in Europe and the ones who live too far away to make the trek and/or have other family obligations.

That leaves me with:

Mom, dad, both brothers, the dog, and mom's parents.

Naturally, my mom was stressing about the event and doing everything she could to plan things by the day. Everything turned out wonderfully too, so we definitely appreciated all her hard work.

I should have stolen some leftovers to take with me...

The boyfriend and I arrived late Wednesday night since I had to work until 6 pm that day. (Hooray for ten hour days!) We basically crashed as soon as we got there so I don't have anything fun to report from that day.

We woke the next morning to Grandpa making breakfast and the smell of roasting turkey. Mom was puttering as is a normal occurrence for holiday meals and had deviled eggs ready as breakfast was ending. There were also, bacon wrapped peppers and stuffed mushrooms, all before noon.

We had the traditional Thanksgiving lunch, with dad carving the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, greenbean cassarole, corn, cornbread etc. and my only complaint is the plastic plate I ate it off. If that is a complaint at all because mostly it's not.

I think that was quite possibly the most comical Thanksgiving I've ever attended though. My family is a riot. The smallish brother decided to drink gravy and the middle child encouraged him to not only drink the gravy but to get the bar of chocolate from the freezer and dip pieces into said gravy. All of this while laughing hysterically because he knew it was ridiculous.

It snowed the whole day.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I did not see any snow until I arrived in Farwell Wednesday night and then I was stuck in it until I left Northern Michigan on Saturday afternoon.

Good news is: my car does pretty well in the snow, even when it's full of boys yelling at each other.

Friday afternoon, my brothers and my boyfriend went with me to see Catching Fire in Mt. Pleasant. We all piled into my car and took off into the snow. The worst was the parking lot at the theater though, everywhere else the roads were clear.

The movie honestly made me cry, and I've read the books. I've even been called a fanatic once or twice. I think that they did a great job with the visuals but I think they played down the arena. They could have done a whole lot more with that.

I know, I know, time constraints.

I still liked it.

Saturday, my boyfriend and I headed back to Ohio for his grandpa's funeral on Sunday. Other than the drive, the day was pretty uneventful. The snow disappeared after we left Clare County.

Sunday, was the funeral so it made it a pretty somber day. I got to meet some of his extended family and I don't think any of them would eat me alive (or at least I hope they wouldn't). I wasn't shunned or run out of town either so I guess that's a good thing.

Today is a Monday. It is pretty normal as far as Mondays are concerned. I went to work and to class then back to work and back to class. I went to the store to pick up some groceries, came home and ate Spaghetti O's from the can like the college kid that I am and finished up a research project for French Culture class.

My thesis is pretty much done. There are a few final things I want/need to do to it before finals week but I'm not worried about missing the deadline.

I have an exit grammar exam for my Spanish major on Thursday this week and another small paper for my World Politics class before Finals then I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear.

I just might be able to do this graduating from college thing. It's scary but I might be able to make this goal.

Post graduation is a mystery right now. The two solid things that I do know are that I'm moving out of Sylvania and that I will not have a job with the company that I'm at right now. My last day there will be the 20th, the day before graduation.

Job applications are out in the world and I'm not done looking. I'm hitting the web hard until I find something. Somewhere. Anywhere. I don't even care.

My cat is leaving tomorrow. He will probably get put down. We discovered him eating his tail and the vet told us that the tail will have to be amputated which will cost like $1000. So the lady who gave him to us is going to pick him up tomorrow and I probably won't see him ever again. I'm going to miss him.

To end on a positive note:

Office Christmas party at the Toledo Zoo is on Friday and hopefully I'll have a date to take with me. I don't think I've ever been to this zoo and seeing it all lit up will be fun. I even heard a rumor that they have ice-skating. That should be fun and I look forward to it.

It can only get better from our lowest points. I am beginning to see the light and I'm going to hold on to it when I get close enough.

That doesn't mean I'm done though.

Just watch, I'll have many more adventures.

As always,

Blessed Be