Tick Tock...

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

I don't know what I did but there must be something wrong.

You know those horror movies where you're yelling at the girl (because it's always a girl) not to go in the room because you know its a trap?

I'm that girl and I don't have a choice anymore. I have to open the door and I have to go through it.

I'm terrified.

Like hide in a closet under a blanket, sucking your thumb and crying for your mommy terrified.

I have pictures of ghost towns on my desktop and they feel like my life right now.

It's been a strange week and every second I inch closer to my doom.

Help!

I can't stop!

I don't know what to do!

I don't want to be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life. I don't want to move back in with my parents. I don't want to be in that rinky-dink town anymore.I want to start my life. I want to have a career that I love. I want to use the skills I have and go on new adventures.

How am I supposed to make this happen?

I'm so lost it has ceased to be funny.

Job please.

I needs it.

Okay, now to translate everything...

It's my last week of my college career. I'm cutting it short by a semester. At the moment I have one day and one sort-of exam (worth 5 points) left before I am officially done. I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do after that. I know that the plan is to find a job but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels on that one. I've been applying to an outrageous number of jobs since before Thanksgiving and I haven't gotten anything back from any of them yet.

It's nerve-wracking.

So I'm headed home with a lack of options and my tail between my legs. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I feel like I've been dumped on the side of the road and told to find my way on my own.

How long will it take me to go into panic mode?

I swear I'm wearing my big girl pants but I don't think they're working. I'm not brave yet. I'm not a hot-shot business women. I'm a shivering scared little girl clinging to my big girl pants because they're too big for me!

Calm....

Graduation is Saturday morning at 10:00 am "promptly"... I'll shake the hand of the president of the University who is about to sign off on cutting more staff... (yeah, that's a great idea, not). I'll get a thing that is not my diploma and I'll move the white tassel from one side to the other... maybe I'll even throw my hat in the air.... who knows?

After that the afternoon is mine.... sorta. I'll be hanging out with family and hopefully my boyfriend who is a great source of support. We will head to dinner which will begin at 6 pm at Biaggi's Ristorante Italiano in Perrysburg. I already know what I'm going to order... I may even have a glass of wine... it is a celebration after all.

I'm going to miss all my BG friends. Hopefully we can keep in touch and get together occasionally still. I can't promise that I'll be in town but I'd like to hang out with you all in the future.

A shout out to Taylor Hawes who will be on her way to Spain next semester!!! I'm excited for her. She's going to have a great time and so many adventures. I'm almost jealous even though I've already done it. Vas a tener que hablame por Skype cuando tienes un momento libre chica!

All my Christmas shopping is done. I'm a poor college kid so there wasn't a huge list to buy... It drives me crazy that stores are so messed up this time of year. I seriously had the worst time finding things and then asked store people and they basically told me that because everything is a mess, they had no idea. So helpful.

I could use a buckeye from Aunt Nat right now...

Hmmm... what else?

I'm at work right now but everyone is in a meeting so I've got nothing to do. My last day is tomorrow. It's only slightly sad though because this could be a stepping stone. Could be but I have no idea...

Oh! A shout out to Emily Berger who is awesome for reasons I can't yet say. I have to wait until after Christmas to explain. She's just awesome anyway so I'm not sure it matters! I had a great time over lunch with her yesterday. I feel like I've been so busy lately that I'm losing touch of some of my "First Chappy" friends.

I guess that I've run out of things to say.

I'd really like to just know what my next adventure is going to be...

but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

As always,

Blessed Be