All that matters is strength

This is finals week. This is me being seriously an emotional rollercoaster and mostly ranting so bare with me while I get all of this off my chest and sate my blood lust with writing.

I'm writing in anger. I don't do this. I try to separate myself from those people who wear emotion on their sleeve. I don't like showing people what they do to me when I fall apart. I don't like feeling like an uncontrollable torment but sometimes it has to come out.

I'm done being hurt. I'm done letting him drag me around like some little worthless piece of junk. I'm done being a meek girl with no voice of her own. I keep doing this to myself and I can't see why because I know what I'm getting into when I do.

I know that he was imaginary. That he wasn't going to be around when I needed him but I thought he was willing to work for me. I thought that he returned the feelings I had for him but it looks like again I was wrong and now I'm sitting here bitter and ready to beat the snot out of something.

There are even tears in my eyes.

Yeah, the final tears of whatever this volatile thing was. I won't do it again.

The walls have been cemented with anger and agony of dragging my heart through the mud. This is over. I'm better than this. I'm pretty awesome and I deserve to be treated as such.

Don't get me wrong. I know I'm not the center of the universe but seriously, I don't deserve to be the side dish or the desert or whatever metaphor you want from this. I deserve to hold his attention and I deserve not to be lied to. I deserve him showing up when he says he will and I deserve him actually having feelings for me.

I am NOT worthless.

I AM priceless.

So get that through your heads men because I'm done with you. I don't need you and your crap. I'm above that. I am a priestess of my own faith. I am a beloved daughter of the night. My eyes are open.


...

So December, you've been going to my pleasing.

No, not really.

Things could go better.

Some highlights from this past weekend though I believe are an order.

There was a Christmas get together at my aunt and uncle's in Toledo. It was great to see family and hang out with them for a few hours. It was a good change of scenery from my dorm room.

Plus, my grandparents are headed to Florida for the rest of the winter so it was good to see them again before they head out.

My aunt took me shopping today too. It was pretty awesome just hanging out with her and we went to this really cute tea shop for lunch. Someday I'd like to go back there just to sit and relax. The Chai was great.

Looking for a teapot by the way. I know I can probably get a basic one from like target or something but I just thought I'd put out the word that I'd like one.... tea cups too....

I need to calm down.

I'm thinking an early morning run may be an order in which case I'm leaving you all now in favor of angry music to take me off to dreamland.

~Bright Blessings~