Well,
I should have expected this. As soon as I got home things went crazy and I lost all sense of time.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to be around my family or that I hate Christmas, it's all the things coming together at once that are making life frustrating.
Boys are fickle. I don't understand them and I don't want to keep trying anymore. I threw all my energy into trying to make something work where nothing ever could and it took heartbreak for me to finally understand that. I want to find that right guy but I can't keep up the one-sided relationships. I can't be the girl who sits and waits for stuff to happen. I can't wear my heart on my sleeve or I'm going to keep getting hurt. So forgive me for the cold cruel exterior I've had to put up. Forgive me for not falling at your feet when you give me that line concocted to make me melt, I've learnt my lesson.
Opinions are roller coasters. I can't even begin to explain this one. Just people judging people or things before they even know what is going on or how things work are frustrating. If you can't see the whole picture how can you say that something or someone is bad? How can you have an opinion about something you don't even understand? Why does it have to be black and white?
I can see the gray. I know it's there.
2012 was a hoax. Does anyone even realize how much money was made off scaring people into believing that some kind of disaster is coming to end the world? We did the same thing when the millennium hit. So the Mayan calendar ended this year; did anyone consider the fact that their culture and writings were destroyed during the conquest? They probably could have made another calendar if they would have survived, don't you think?
Procrastination is human nature. Everyone needs a gift for Christmas. Everyone needs to receive something to feel like they are part of something. So the whole world is going to run to the stores, driving employees insane because they can't seem to do things fast enough for the world that wants instant satisfaction. Why leave it for the last minute anyway? So you can find the last item on the shelf and fight some little old lady over it or fight with an employee so that you can get it at a lower price because it's the last one?
What would happen if you got there when there were 20 on the shelf?
Working in a factory is depressing. I know that having a job is better than not having a job but the monotony of doing the same thing day after day just makes me sad. The same routine, the same faces, the same building with the same job to do... it gives me too much time to think about things...
I need a career where every day is different. I don't think I can handle a desk job. This is why I've got my heart set on joining the FBI. It will be a challenge to get in but I won't have so much monotony as I do working 10 hours a day in a factory, sewing thousands of handles at a time.
I'm grateful that I have a job at all over break though. I could be sitting at home being bored and thinking about things.... gaining 20 pounds in the process.
Life is difficult. I know that I have no right to complain but sometimes I just wish that I didn't have to take people's crap. I wish that people could see what I see. I wish I didn't feel like I need to get the hell out of dodge just to feel alive. I wish a whole lot of things that will never happen.
People daunt me with their attitudes toward the holiday. I don't understand the extremes. I don't see why you have to be overly Christmas, shove garland down someone's throat, arguing about the "real meaning of Christmas", playing Christmas music on repeat whenever you can. I also don't see why there is any reason to hate the holiday, even if it isn't what you celebrate. You get to have the day off work, in some cases paid for and you can do pretty much whatever you want with that time.
I may not feel the need to go to church for the holiday but at least I respect people's right to say Merry Christmas, if that makes sense.
So anyway. Finals turned out good and I got to see Ginny, Chuck, and Jenn before leaving for home. It was good to catch up even if we did get booted from Starbucks...
Mom and I saw her friend Chris and his band play in Jackson. They really rock but they didn't have the crowd they deserved at this bar where they played. The place was dead all night.
We went a little crazy the next day and went to like six different Goodwill stores on the way home. It was great spending time with her, just the two of us. We don't get to do that too often.
I've been working in the sewing department of Roger's, where mom works, since Monday the 17th. The forty hour work week is nothing to sneeze at and it will definitely help with books for next semester.
We've been shopping for a new vehicle since Zac had an accident that totaled the truck. He's perfectly fine but we've been a little locked up as far as transportation. Hopefully, things will go smoothly and mom and dad can get the trail blazer they've been looking at.
We went to Midland as a family in the loner car we have and battled the crowd in order to find gifts for each other. I won't tell you what I bought just in case someone reads this thinking I will and thus will be disappointed. (insert evil laughter here)
Tomorrow I'm going to see The Hobit with Cassi and we'll go to the little restaurant next to the theater afterwards just to chat and be silly girls. We haven't been together since Thanksgiving so we have catching up to do again.
As for the weeks ahead, I don't have much planned except for work. 6 am to 2:30 pm Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I might get up the guts to go to a New Year's party where Delightfuls are playing. This place called Harmony Hill that used to be Silver Ridge in Farwell.... It makes me nervous not having anyone to go with for some reason.
I can travel the world by myself but going to a party on New Year's in my home town makes me nervous.....
I don't make sense.
I'll be back in BG for classes starting on January 7th. I have a full morning schedule so that should be interesting. My friend from England, Daniel, should be back State-side around that time as well so I'm sure to have at least a few adventures with him.
Hopefully, I find time to blog between now and then but that's a sum up of what's going on in case I forget to blog again.
Hope everyone had a very Merry Yule this year.
May your hearth be ever warm in the dark days of the winter ahead.
Bright Blessing!
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