Closing 2012 and Moving Forward

It seems to be a new normal to sit in front of my computer with a good drink and my fingers flying over the keyboard in order to blog. I don't know why I feel like I want to blog when I pour myself a drink but here I am and here is what I have to say.

I'm not the same girl I was in high school.

I know that doesn't sound like anything new but let me make this clear in case there are any skeptics in the crowd.

I'm not the same girl I was in high school. I can't go back to that. There isn't any possible way of going back to being that person unless someone has a way to trap my brain  there. That girl is gone. She grew up. She sees things differently now.

You see, experiences shape people. It's been proven with science that experiences shape thought and I've had my fair share of experiences.

Everything that made that girl in high school has disappeared for the most part. That girl hated how life was going on for her. She pushed the boundaries because she was bored with the old rules and the sheep that surrounded her daily life. She thought about escape nearly every minute. Not in suicide but in the comfort of the world within her own mind. Her neverland, where adventures were hers to be had and she could learn about anything she wanted without being blocked by rules and unavailability.

Then that girl escaped. She went out into the world by herself and learned what she wanted because she could. Adventure beckoned and she chased the call. She did things she could have never imagined doing in a million years and she grew.

She got out of the sheep that surrounded her and when she got back, she was sad to be stuck again. She was sad that the adventures kept calling but she couldn't go after them anymore, or so she thought. She found a way to get around those walls and ended up going on even bigger adventures. Her heart sang and her soul grew. She found who she was and thought she knew what she wanted to do with her life but she came back and the sheep were still there. Still doing the same thing, expecting her to fall into their pattern and share their goals.

After everything, the good and the bad, there was no going back to the way things used to be. There still isn't  any chance for her to go back.

If you're thinking that you might be one of the sheep, then you might need to stop analyzing everything so closely. I used sheep as a metaphor, though seriously, I can think of no better word for the way my hometown functions.

Point is, don't ask me to be what is gone. Don't ask me to give up what I cling to for sanity in the rut I'm in. Don't tell me that I'm not the girl I was in high school because I already know that.

Now, moving on, I realize that I haven't given any details about Christmas, and the presents I received, but I don't think that I will divulge that information. If you gave me a gift, I appreciate it and everything that I got was so amazing but that's all I want to say about that. Christmas isn't about that sort of thing, or at least it shouldn't be.

I enjoyed my time with family and friends and I feel like it went by in the blink of an eye. Before I knew it, I was back to the monotony of a paying job.....but I can't complain, as I've said before, because that money is paying for books.

New years is tomorrow and I'm planning to go to a party even though I'll have to go without the comfort zone I've carried around me for a long time. I probably won't know many people there and I have to show up by myself because it's a 21 and older party to which I have a free ticket and the band Delightfuls will be playing at. I'm excited and nervous.

Maybe I'll get a kiss at midnight.

Yeah, okay, that's a reach. I just want to have some fun.

Working tomorrow so I'm going to wrap this up and move on.

Have a happy 2013 everyone! I hope it brings you everything that you deserve and I hope that the road bumps that come your way in this new year are small ones that are easily overcome.

Go on an adventure. Enjoy the time you have, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Blessed Be.

Christmas with a highlight on greed

Well,

I should have expected this. As soon as I got home things went crazy and I lost all sense of time.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to be around my family or that I hate Christmas, it's  all the things coming together at once that are making life frustrating.

Boys are fickle. I don't understand them and I don't want to keep trying anymore. I threw all my energy into trying to make something work where nothing ever could and it took heartbreak for me to finally understand that. I want to find that right guy but I can't keep up the one-sided relationships. I can't be the girl who sits and waits for stuff to happen. I can't wear my heart on my sleeve or I'm going to keep getting hurt. So forgive me for the cold cruel exterior I've had to put up. Forgive me for not falling at your feet when you give me that line concocted to make me melt, I've learnt my lesson.

Opinions are roller coasters. I can't even begin to explain this one. Just people judging people or things before they even know what is going on or how things work are frustrating. If you can't see the whole picture how can you say that something or someone is bad? How can you have an opinion about something you don't even understand? Why does it have to be black and white?

I can see the gray. I know it's there.

2012 was a hoax. Does anyone even realize how much money was made off scaring people into believing that some kind of disaster is coming to end the world? We did the same thing when the millennium hit. So the Mayan calendar ended this year; did anyone consider the fact that their culture and writings were destroyed during the conquest? They probably could have made another calendar if they would have survived, don't you think?

Procrastination is human nature. Everyone needs a gift for Christmas. Everyone needs to receive something to feel like they are part of something. So the whole world is going to run to the stores, driving employees insane because they can't seem to do things fast enough for the world that wants instant satisfaction. Why leave it for the last minute anyway? So you can find the last item on the shelf and fight some little old lady over it or fight with an employee so that you can get it at a lower price because it's the last one?

What would happen if you got there when there were 20 on the shelf?

Working in a factory is depressing. I know that having a job is better than not having a job but the monotony of doing the same thing day after day just makes me sad. The same routine, the same faces, the same building with the same job to do... it gives me too much time to think about things...

I need a career where every day is different. I don't think I can handle a desk job. This is why I've got my heart set on joining the FBI. It will be a challenge to get in but I won't have so much monotony as I do working 10 hours a day in a factory, sewing thousands of handles at a time.

I'm grateful that I have a job at all over break though. I could be sitting at home being bored and thinking about things.... gaining 20 pounds in the process.

Life is difficult. I know that I have no right to complain but sometimes I just wish that I didn't have to take people's crap. I wish that people could see what I see. I wish I didn't feel like I need to get the hell out of dodge just to feel alive. I wish a whole lot of things that will never happen.

People daunt me with their attitudes toward the holiday. I don't understand the extremes. I don't see why you have to be overly Christmas, shove garland down someone's throat, arguing about the "real meaning of Christmas", playing Christmas music on repeat whenever you can. I also don't see why there is any reason to hate the holiday, even if it isn't what you celebrate. You get to have the day off work, in some cases paid for and you can do pretty much whatever you want with that time.

I may not feel the need to go to church for the holiday but at least I respect people's right to say Merry Christmas, if that makes sense.

So anyway. Finals turned out good and I got to see Ginny, Chuck, and Jenn before leaving for home. It was good to catch up even if we did get booted from Starbucks...

Mom and I saw her friend Chris and his band play in Jackson. They really rock but they didn't have the crowd they deserved at this bar where they played. The place was dead all night.

We went a little crazy the next day and went to like six different Goodwill stores on the way home. It was great spending time with her, just the two of us. We don't get to do that too often.

I've been working in the sewing department of Roger's, where mom works, since Monday the 17th. The forty hour work week is nothing to sneeze at and it will definitely help with books for next semester.

We've been shopping for a new vehicle since Zac had an accident that totaled the truck. He's perfectly fine but we've been a little locked up as far as transportation. Hopefully, things will go smoothly and mom and dad can get the trail blazer they've been looking at.

We went to Midland as a family in the loner car we have and battled the crowd in order to find gifts for each other. I won't tell you what I bought just in case someone reads this thinking I will and thus will be disappointed. (insert evil laughter here)

Tomorrow I'm going to see The Hobit with Cassi and we'll go to the little restaurant next to the theater afterwards just to chat and be silly girls. We haven't been together since Thanksgiving so we have catching up to do again.

As for the weeks ahead, I don't have much planned except for work. 6 am to 2:30 pm Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I might get up the guts to go to a New Year's party where Delightfuls are playing. This place called Harmony Hill that used to be Silver Ridge in Farwell.... It makes me nervous not having anyone to go with for some reason.

I can travel the world by myself but going to a party on New Year's in my home town makes me nervous.....

I don't make sense.

I'll be back in BG for classes starting on January 7th. I have a full morning schedule so that should be interesting. My friend from England, Daniel, should be back State-side around that time as well so I'm sure to have at least a few adventures with him.

Hopefully, I find time to blog between now and then but that's a sum up of what's going on in case I forget to blog again.

Hope everyone had a very Merry Yule this year.
May your hearth be ever warm in the dark days of the winter ahead.

Bright Blessing!

All that matters is strength

This is finals week. This is me being seriously an emotional rollercoaster and mostly ranting so bare with me while I get all of this off my chest and sate my blood lust with writing.

I'm writing in anger. I don't do this. I try to separate myself from those people who wear emotion on their sleeve. I don't like showing people what they do to me when I fall apart. I don't like feeling like an uncontrollable torment but sometimes it has to come out.

I'm done being hurt. I'm done letting him drag me around like some little worthless piece of junk. I'm done being a meek girl with no voice of her own. I keep doing this to myself and I can't see why because I know what I'm getting into when I do.

I know that he was imaginary. That he wasn't going to be around when I needed him but I thought he was willing to work for me. I thought that he returned the feelings I had for him but it looks like again I was wrong and now I'm sitting here bitter and ready to beat the snot out of something.

There are even tears in my eyes.

Yeah, the final tears of whatever this volatile thing was. I won't do it again.

The walls have been cemented with anger and agony of dragging my heart through the mud. This is over. I'm better than this. I'm pretty awesome and I deserve to be treated as such.

Don't get me wrong. I know I'm not the center of the universe but seriously, I don't deserve to be the side dish or the desert or whatever metaphor you want from this. I deserve to hold his attention and I deserve not to be lied to. I deserve him showing up when he says he will and I deserve him actually having feelings for me.

I am NOT worthless.

I AM priceless.

So get that through your heads men because I'm done with you. I don't need you and your crap. I'm above that. I am a priestess of my own faith. I am a beloved daughter of the night. My eyes are open.


...

So December, you've been going to my pleasing.

No, not really.

Things could go better.

Some highlights from this past weekend though I believe are an order.

There was a Christmas get together at my aunt and uncle's in Toledo. It was great to see family and hang out with them for a few hours. It was a good change of scenery from my dorm room.

Plus, my grandparents are headed to Florida for the rest of the winter so it was good to see them again before they head out.

My aunt took me shopping today too. It was pretty awesome just hanging out with her and we went to this really cute tea shop for lunch. Someday I'd like to go back there just to sit and relax. The Chai was great.

Looking for a teapot by the way. I know I can probably get a basic one from like target or something but I just thought I'd put out the word that I'd like one.... tea cups too....

I need to calm down.

I'm thinking an early morning run may be an order in which case I'm leaving you all now in favor of angry music to take me off to dreamland.

~Bright Blessings~

Warning! December has Arrived.

Alrighty, one month left for this year and then everything starts fresh.

Unless of course, we all die on the 21st.

That would mean no Christmas.

Personally, I'm not going to do anything different. I would still get to celebrate Yule even if the world ends, though I highly doubt that it will. We won't even have a blip of a problem. Everything will just keep going like it always has until the sun explodes or we create a nuclear winter or whatever from human pollution. That could be interesting to witness but I'm not cheering you on people.

If I'm offending you with my lack of Christmas spirit, then I apologize because Christmas for me isn't about buying a bunch of junk for people or putting up ridiculous decoration because tradition dictates that you should. Christmas for me is not about what I receive from the mythical Santa guy or the music that I can't stand because it has started playing as soon as Halloween is over.

I'm a total Scrooge if you want to go that route but I've stopped caring what people think so go ahead and knock your socks off trying to get a rise out of me.

Frankly, I'm old school. When I think Christmas, I think of laughing and sharing stories and general being together with my family. I don't care if they give me a gift or not (I'd actually prefer not to get gifts because they make me feel guilty), I just care that they're around and love me.

I think of the smell of pine in the house and the smiles on my brothers' faces. I think of curling up, wrapped in a blanket (by a fire some years), with a physical book in my hands. I think of disconnecting just to be with my family, not about who's not calling or texting to tell me "Merry Christmas".

I think of the times when I was younger and people who I love and are no longer with us were around. I think about making snow people and sledding and a big mug of hot cocoa after your fingers go numb. Yes, I've grown out of enjoying the snow, but there was a time when I would run around with my brothers and ride the plastic sled down the hill, jumping out at the last second to avoid the tree at the bottom of the sledding hill...

I even remember building snow forts out of snow piles. I remember getting dad out in the snow to play with us. He was the best at either making us laugh or getting snow in our face via snowball. (Zac, I think you hold the record for snow in the face but Zeke's a very close second). Dad was the best at fixing our snow forts too.

I think of broken glass jello, and birthday cakes to Jesus made by grandma, now made by mom. I remember  cheesy potatoes and spiral cut, honey glazed ham that made the whole house smell sweet. I remember cinnamon rolls and sausage balls.

I remember the one time Santa hid all of Zac's presents because he was a grinch.

I remember giving mom and dad handmade gifts from school because I made them and they were automatically awesome no matter how ugly they were.

I remember getting my first tattoo with mom for Christmas when I was 16.

It's still not about the material stuff though and as many would agree, people in general have lost touch of that. I don't want to stop you from getting people gifts or decorating your yard with thousands of lights so that you can see your house from outer space, just think about the people around you. Think about family and why Christmas meant so much to you as a kid. Make a memory instead of buying a gift. Sometimes that's tons more valuable.

So please excuse my lack of shopping enthusiasm and the fact that I don't plan on celebrating anyone but my family's births. Daddy, I love you! Happy Birthday! Heather, you're my favorite twin! Happy Birthday! Grandpa Doug, thank you for being around and always offering me your love. Happy Birthday! Grandma, even though I might not be able to make the journey to put a rose on your grave this year, know that I'm thinking of you. This was your favorite time of year and I will never forget the broken glass jello no matter where I am or how old I get. It's tradition.

On that note, I look forward to the end of this school semester. It's been tough and stressful but I've got a week left of classes and finals week after that. Two weeks from today and I'll be headed home. There is a light at the end of this tunnel of trials. Thanks for sticking with me people. It was a bumpy ride and with some luck we'll make it to see 2013 and Zac's graduation from high school (man, do I feel old). I don't know what the future may bring for me but I know that all I can hope to think about is one day. One day at a time, slow and steady. No winning or losing, just living. That's all I need.

I hope you enjoy whatever you do with the end of this year. Enjoy your family, enjoy your friends, enjoy the memories you have with them.

And most importantly, stay safe.

Blessed Be

Turkey Day Break Down

As a student, I can safely say that breaks don't come often enough. Nor do they last long enough when they do come. I don't want to start complaining here so I'll just say that I miss being home already and I haven't even been back in BG long enough to get a meal...

Home is an inviting warm comfortable place where my favorite people gather and I don't' have to worry about much of anything at all. Home is hugging my parents and telling them that I love them. Home is wrestling my brother to the floor while his girlfriend giggles at us. Home is drinking milk with a mason jar as my cup. Home is tea in the morning wearing my pajamas and curling up in front of the television because I have no responsibilities for the day. Home is love and happiness and I feel like I don't get it as much as I'd like.

I left Bowling Green in the Mercury Capsule (aka Grandpa's car) Tuesday afternoon right after I was out of classes for the week. It was right around 1 pm so we beat the crowd on their way out and headed to Hicksville. All of my crap was deposited at the house and shortly after grandpa and I took a bike ride out to the fairgrounds to go in the stables and see the horses. I'm such a little girl when it comes to horses. I love the way I feel when I'm around them and it was exactly what I needed after a frustrating beginning to my week.

I curled up on the couch after dinner that night and we watched a show until I was nearly asleep right there. I did make it to bed though and I managed to stop thinking long enough to close my eyes just before my alarm went off to tell me to get up.

I found my baby cousin (she's 8 or 9 for the record) in the kitchen when I got down the stairs. She was super excited to be going with me and our grandparents up to my house. I wasn't sure I was going to handle her energy but I did.

The Mercury Capsule left Hicksville, headed north, right around 10 am Wednesday morning. With a few stops to change drivers and get some food, we finally made it to Farwell, without crashing or anything even though I was reprimanded by my grandfather for driving like my father...

Cassi arrived at my home around 9 pm that night and we giggled like we were back in high school and nothing could bring us down from our clouds. She even got me to laugh so hard that I cried. I will never think of the word "YES" the same now that she's shown me that youtube video....

In case you're curious about what I mean The Yes Dance is what I"m referring to in the previous paragraph. I hope that it makes you laugh as much as it does Cassi and me.

Thursday was the big family gathering. I was up around 8:30 am with a text asking me how to get to my house from one of my cousins. We all made it to my house around 1 pm and the feast commenced. Everything was super amazing and the company was greet too. I love the way my family teases eachother and the way we react to things that are said. We would be the weirdest people in the world to anyone who didn't know how we worked as a family. It's an amazing thing.

Friday, Uncle Ed took us all (The whole family) to see Life of Pi. It was amazing and I hope that you all go to see it because it was just that amazing.

Bananas float by the way. We did the experiment in our kitchen sink.

Watch the movie and you'll understand what I mean. Otherwise it's just a random fact that you now know.

Friday night was the inauguration of the Holley Basement Bar. My best friends came over and we had a blast. We even brought out our old varsity jackets just because we could....

I love hanging out with them because it makes everything else in the world seem like nothing at all. Like if we could stay close forever, nothing bad will ever happen. It was seriously one great night. I miss spending time with my best girls.

Everyone went home except grandma and grandpa on Saturday so the house was quiet and I finished some homework for the week ahead. I am officially caught up and ready to get my two weeks over and done with.... There is a count down going...

Today I came back to BG with Cassi... We drove out of the snow and into the sunshine so I was perfectly happy. It must have been the singing we were doing that made the sunshine come out... man, you don't realize how bad you miss old times until you're reminiscing about how things used to be...

You know what? I've forgotten to add that we did family pictures on Thursday. We have been needing a new picture for a long time and it was relatively warm outside so we took advantage of it and here's one of the many that came out pretty good if you ask me.

We even have Jenny dog in there.

I hope everyone out there had a great turkey day and aren't too sick of their family. Be thankful for what you have because not everyone can say that they got to see their family this past weekend. And some people had to work.... Count yourself among the blessed.

Two weeks and counting for another homebound adventure. Probably with my mom and probably with some kind of twist that only we would come up with.... Love you mom!!

It's about time that this semester ended.

Have a great week everyone!

'I'm feelin' sexy and free..."

Cheers to Wednesday!

Cheers to a short week and looking ahead to the next week in which all my excitement peaks!

Cheers to professors who decide to push back assignments!

Life is good!

My sunshine is out and glowing so nothing is going to bring it down. Gods I feel good!

Alright, so here comes a summary of what I've been up to. Maybe I'll even elaborate a little.

Where do I start?

I know I always ask that question but really, I'm not sure. I never am. So you know something? I'm not going to go in order!

Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor...

I'm a Precious Stone, 

a Precious Stone's model that is...

I've mentioned this before but I feel like I should reiterate it. I'm kind of proud of it. I'm proud that I've been recognized for my confidence. I knew I had it in me somewhere. :)

Google + hangout is awesome. If you haven't tried it yet then you should. Sara, Cassi and I just did it and got to be silly girls again as if we were in the same room with each other and nothing had changed at all. We're planning to get together while Cassi and I are on Thanksgiving break. Probably my house since I've got all the goods.... but lol okay okay,  lol....

yes, I just said that and about died laughing...

deep breath

loaded baked potato soup for lunch today. It's awesome, like google+ only edible.

So last weekend I took a four day break from school to hang out in Hicksville, the land of no cellphone service. (Seriously, it's like a black hole for service. I'll have it one minute and then without moving it will disappear). 

I got there Thursday night after a stop in Defiance for dinner at a Mexican restaurant called Azul Tequila . If you click the link it will take you to their Facebook page. They have good food and service is super fast. If you speak Spanish, their eyes get really big and then the service gets even better. Grandma was convinced that one guy looked me over after I thanked him in Spanish for everything.

The Sangria was decent too!

Friday was relaxing and I did some stuff around the house for Grandma (i.e. sweeping). Then in attempt to go see one of dad's close friends, I went out with my aunt and a friend of hers for a girl's night at Charlie's. Unfortunately, the friend of dad's who owns the place wasn't around, so we had a couple drinks and retired for the night before 10:30 pm. I'm lame I know but you have to remember how big this town is and that it's a black hole of cellphone service so this was actually going out.

Saturday was shopping with Grandma in Defiance. I got to drive all the way there and all the way back!!! 

No I'm not 16 but when you lose your car to a transmission blowout and then have to sell it for scrap metal and have been relying on other human beings for transport since then, things start to look up when you're actually allowed to drive.

Anyways, shopping. It was uneventful in reality but it was cool to be out doing something.

Dinner was at my aunt and uncle's place. They did bangers and mash with a red wine and real good company. The link is there so that you don't have to ask me what bangers and mash are. 

Sunday was still holding on to the beautiful weather and so I went on a bike ride with Grandpa that led me to the stables at the fairgrounds and being nuzzled by a big brown mare. It's funny how you forget how much you love something until it's right in front of you. The sights and sounds and daydreams galore.

Speaking of daydreams, it is taking me way too long to compose this. I keep getting lost in my own thoughts. No I'm not sharing until later. It's a teaser, though most of you probably already know about him... He's been my sunshine for almost 2 months now actually.

Monday! I saw Skyfall, the new James Bond film with my grandparents and my cousin on the way back to BG. We even had dinner at the new Irish Pub called A Stone's Throw. Bet you thought I was going to put a link on that one, didn't you? Well, hold on and let me see what I can dig up for you....

A Stone's Throw... this is their actual web page so no facebook needed to view it. It's pretty good for food but I don't know about drinks as I haven't decided to drink either time that I've been there....

Ummm....

Well this week has been crazy. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get stuff done and then suddenly today, everything kind of stopped and my assignments were pushed back.

This weekend should be productive hopefully, I would like to get some papers done and a project out of the way so that I don't have to worry about anything over Thanksgiving except spending time with family and friends.

I think that's about all I've got going on and everything that has happened up to today. I'm bound to have another post eventually so stick around and keep your eyes peeled for the next wise crack. 

Until then, 

I'm out people!

Guy Fawkes Day

It is appropriate that this post be number 110 seeing that today is 11/5/12. For all of you who are not reading the title and putting two and two together, that makes it Guy Fawkes Day on your calendar. Though actually it probably isn't marked that way at all. Most likely, you'll let this day pass on like any other normal Monday on any other normal week.

I'd like to point out that tomorrow is voting day for all of you Americans out there. Imagine that, Guy Fawkes Day, falls right before elections.... Coincidence? Maybe. I think you should probably do a little research of your own if you have still not the slightest of clues as to what I'm hinting at.

So to commemorate this day of days, which you may not fully comprehend. I shall leave you with a few simple verses not of my own device but something historic in measure for which they shall never be forgot.

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
the Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I see no reason why Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, t’was his intent to blow up King and Parliament.

Three score barrels were laid below to prove old England’s overthrow;
By God’s mercy he was catch’d with a dark lantern and lighted match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

Hip hip hoorah!

Introducing Stanley!!

So I know I've been neglecting my blog lately seeing as I let Halloween pass without posting my costume or anything like that so I figure I'll have to recap and make it up to you all.

First for the recap I think.

That way I still have to torture you with reading my life before you make it to figuring out what my title means.

Alright, so my last post was Sweetest Day. I have been up to a few things since then. That you could probably tell from my lack of posts but I swear that I have legitimate excuses.

Alright so starting with my roses... My "sweetie" bought me roses for sweetest day. He came around that evening before heading to work to give them to me. It was seriously romantic.

Aren't they pretty?

That week was going by pretty normal after that. Nothing really interesting. I mean school work was killing me slowly and I auditioned for a fashion show but nothing too special happened that week. I also aced a Roman Studies test with 99/100 points before extra credit was figured in and that made me happy. I'm feeling pretty good about this semester to tell you the truth.

What? You want me to go back to the audition part?

Since you asked.

Yes, I auditioned for a fashion show. It's a curvy girl's fashion show and I felt so sassy about it that I went in feeling like I owned the world. I thought it was pretty funny after I came out. I was sure that they wouldn't pick me in a million years. I even got silly enough to take the following beauty shots when I got back to my room and into pajamas...

Yeah, that was silly but I was in a good mood so don't judge me...

Let's see, Friday night, I celebrated Mary's 21st with her and had a great time out on the town with all my friends who I don't get to see quite as much as I'd like to. I find it funny to know that the saying about making friends your freshman year of college has rung true with us. Harshman Chapman first floor.... good times girlies.... good times.

Sunday, I had dinner with my roommate and my newest international friend Daniel from England. He's a totally great guy and I'm glad to have met him. I think that I might have actually spent more time with him in the week that he's been here than anyone else.... but that's not a bad thing. We've had some great adventures and great conversations over good food.

He even came bearing gifts!!!

Anyone interested in having an international friend, I'm tagging him when I post this to Facebook so you can look him up and tell him you're a friend of Becca's. I promise he's a great guy.

Tuesday night was the French House Halloween party, for which I made witches brew. It turned out really good and I might make it again sometime. I found it funny that the literal witch was making witch's brew and it put me in a sort of humorous mood.

I didn't really have a costume. I'm not good at it like my brothers are so I just decided to celebrate by being the pagan girl I am. I made a circlet of leaves and fall flowers and wore a black top, calling it "The Spirit of Samhain" in honor of the holiday itself.

On Wednesday, I proved I was going to be a rockstar by doing amazing on my exam in my guitar class. It was super exciting. Now, I just have to figure out how to do this well on the final exam.... I'm sort-of nervous about it to tell you the truth.

You know, I forgot to add in Monday morning..... I'll jump back just to tell you that I was informed on Monday morning that I was chosen to be in the fashion show. There's a meeting next Wednesday night.

Thursday night I went to a jazz guitar recital with Daniel. It was pretty cool. One of the performers reminded me of my brother which was slightly odd but cool at the same time. One day I'll be good enough to play with them....

Friday, I opened a Kinder Egg to find my new best friend. His name is Stanley, he's adorable and we're going to have great adventures together. If you're on Facebook then you already know about him because I've posted a bunch of pictures of him already. I'm sparing the readers of this blog because I've already put like ten pictures in this post alone...

This is Stanley though.

I think that sums up a lot of things that have happened. School work will have to get done tomorrow since I put it off today in favor of staring at the ceiling and wishing I were a cloud.... I know that sounds weird but I'm a weird person so that is honestly what I was doing today.

I'm at my grandparents' house next weekend and then two weekends after that is Thanksgiving weekend so I get to go home finally! I'm hoping to get someone to come with me but I'll probably come up with my grandparents. I'm still excited to see my friends and family. Cassi and I are already promised to spend time together and I got a maybe from Sara so that's good enough for me!

I'm also super excited to see my dad's handy work in the basement. He has been working on building a bar since I left for school and due to technical difficulties, I haven't seen it yet. I'm sure it looks great though because my dad is super awesome at stuff like that.

Wish me luck on my two presentations this week!

And as always,

Brightest of Blessings!

Sweetest Day

Okay so let's start this off with spreading love to the world because I think that's one of the best things I can do today.  I want everyone who doesn't have a sweetie today to know that you don't need one to be loved. I love you and I don't even have to know who you are to do that.

I don't really have much else to put here for this post, unfortunately.

I've had an uneventful couple weeks here in BG and I'm prepping for NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth also known as NANOWRIMO. I've posted about this before. A year ago actually and I cheated on that one so I'm going to do it legitimately this time. I've got a good idea (which I'm keeping under wraps) and I'm sort of outlining it in my free time.

School is still going well and the weather is a little wet and dreary but nothing I can't handle. I own a good sturdy pair of boots for a reason.

Halloween is in two weeks and I am not personally preparing to put on any sort of costume apart from the regular one that I put on everyday. It has been suggested that I go as Katniss from the Hunger Games, but I think I'm just going to leave Halloween alone this year. Samhain is more important anyway and hopefully, I'll have someone to celebrate it with me.... we'll see what happens.

My brothers on the other hand are obviously going to pull out all the stops again.

Here's one going as the fabulous, Dr. Who...

and even though I don't really have a clue what this is here's the other brother doing his thing.....

I'm sure it will be an entertaining Halloween and I can't wait to see pictures since I can't be there to take the pictures myself. I hope to the gods that they have a great time.

I guess that's all I have for now so I'll have to be sure to post again later.

Bright Blessings to you all and have a beautiful sweetest day!

Island Vacation

Bueno, I'm back again.

How are things people? Hope you're doing great. It'd be a contrast to my migraines. Yeah, that's right, they're back and they're back with vengeance.

But that's not where I want to start.

I don't really want to tell you about the migraines at all to tell the truth. If I talk about them then they sound really terrible, which in reality, they are, but they will not control my life. I refuse to succumb to this. I'm stronger than that. I'm alive and that's all that matters to me. As soon as I'm not allowed to do the things I want to do, then I'll complain because I'll actually have something to complain about. Until then, I see no point reporting them.

So how about starting with my vacation?

Fall Break, that is.

Okay so October started with some fun. The night of the 3rd started my vacation with a trip to Toledo, funded by the French House, to see an opera named La Boheme (sorry that I didn't get the accent in there) which is actually in Italian. It was absolutely beautiful and I'd love to see more operas in the future. I wanted to cry and it didn't even matter if I completely understood the language or not. The acting was amazing and if it weren't for the high school students (who were very rude) I would have felt like I was transported back in time via the Tardis just to see this show... It was student night, which meant that students got in free and the French House paid for us to get there in a rental van driven by a graduate student in French.

La Boheme is actually the basis of a Broadway hit named Rent. Mom and I love this show and have seen it on dvd a few times. We love the song "Seasons of Love" from this show which I put on my cards to friends when graduation came around....
Anyway, point being, that because I'd seen Rent I could see bits and pieces where they had taken characters from and you can see that the story line is pretty much the same. I was however that the tango Maureen had been excluded.... it's another one of my favorite numbers in the Broadway version. It doesn't really matter though because this opera blew my mind. I was absolutely amazed at the things they were able to do and the spectacular acting that these people did. Kudos to them.

Also, Kudos to the pit orchestra. What amazing things you were able to do without microphones and I was sitting all the way up in the balcony...

Continuing from there, my aunt picked me up at the theatre and took me back to her place for the night. Totally cool because I didn't have plans to go anywhere for Fall Break until the Sunday before when she happened to text me and we made surprise plans, which I'll elaborate on in a minute.

Thursday morning I got up to breakfast of Canadian bacon and eggs thanks to my aunt who loves me and cooks some amazing food. It was like eating the first real breakfast I had in my life.... okay, exagerating but still, can they not make real breakfast/food on campus? Why do I have to pay extra for the crap you're making me eat now?

I digress.

Around noon, I curled up in my uncle's Saab with their dog Pupette at my feet, and we left Toledo on a quest. Not a quest to find something because we knew where we were going and what we would find there, but a quest to surprise my grandparents who didn't know that I would be coming to Kelly's Island for the weekend. So maybe mission is a better word.... Yeah, I like that. My mission (and I chose to accept it) was to show up uninvited to a sort of small family get together, thus taking my grandparents by surprise and watching their plans change from the lounging they thought they would do to lounging with me instead.

I know, I'm so evil you can hardly contain yourself....

I was okay until we got on the ferry at Marblehead. Then my nerves got going and I had all sorts of butterflies going on.

Did I forget to mention that the weather was absolutely gorgeous??? Because it was.

Anyway,

We arrive at the island house, which is totally impressive by the way, and my uncle let's me out so that I can walk up to the front steps and surprise my grandparents who are inside. I was supposed to just knock and have them be all surprised but when I knocked, they didn't hear/see me so my uncle had to go inside and tell them to go see if there was something on the front porch.

So my grandpa comes to the door and I could see the smile just spread across his face. That made my day. Then grandma jumps up off the couch to hug me, her smile priceless as well.

From there I got the grand tour of the island house which I'd never been to before. I'd actually not been to the island itself for about 13 years give or take a few months so everything was like a bright and shiny new adventure to go on.

From the tour, I was convinced to go kayaking....okay convinced is the wrong word....maybe enticed is better...I went kayaking in the sunshine either way. It's amazing what a little open water, some sunshine, a light breeze and no plans for the next three days can do for the soul. I felt like I was meditating without having the intent of meditating. My soul was just singing away and I wasn't worried about anything. Not even getting wet was a problem even though the water was a bit chilly.

Before dinner, while grandpa cooked delicious steak slabs on the grill, I was in a hammock with the sun setting in the distance, the sky in various shades of pink and purple, reflected in the rippling water... book in hand (well kindle but still). It was a perfect feeling of relaxation that I wish I could have more of in my life. I could not have asked for anything more from that weekend after that moment.

The next morning (Friday) I woke up to the rain, but I slept like a rock. I felt like I was floating as I fell asleep and it was the most glorious thing I've felt in a very long time. I spent the morning relaxing in a comfy chair then I was mustered up to go out and brave the weather to look at the shops and places around the island.

Let's see, I'll just list some places we went to. I think that's the most efficient way to do this.
The campground, the glacial grooves, the store across from the campground, down Titus road, some old stone houses, the general store up town, the old quarry, the grey of the water in the rain, and the colors of the leaves as they decided fall was actually the time of year it was...

I even got my Klondike bar as tradition would have grandpa and I do while on the island. I came during the summer when I was little though so I'm not sure it was quite as satisfying as back then but I was a happy camper either way. I mean give any girl chocolate and she'll love you for at least five minutes more than before.... no that is not dating advice, it's just an observation. We girls make no sense.

After ice-cream, we stopped at The Kelly's Island Winery, owned and operated by a friend of mine's family who went to Spain with me. Isa, if you're reading this, I miss you again but I'm glad that I got to see you and your dad! I'll have to get out there more often so we can actually hang out.

For dinner that night we went uptown again to The Village Pump for their perch special. Basically fish and chips... it was good though and Scot ordered a bottle of wine for the table so of course I had a good time.

Then to end the night I curled up by the fireplace with my writing until I couldn't keep my eyes open much longer.

For those of you not keeping track of the days, that was day two. Just Friday. I have two more days to tell you about so you've officially made it to the half-way point.

Saturday I got up to grandpa's famous breakfast minus the fried potatoes. My family must not think that I get enough protein in my diet or something.... Anyway, after breakfast we got around and went on a hike around  the point (Long Point) where the house is. We walked the shore for most of the journey and there were a bunch of cool little rocks that reminded me of Maine and the tidal pools trip I took when I was there. I even made a fairy house out of some of them just to demonstrate to grandpa what they were.

The breeze was chilly but the sun was bright and made me feel like a small child for a while. I was jumping from rock to rock and climbing around, wishing I could go climbing despite Ohio being a little flat...

To get back we cut through the trees and everything was still pretty green and watching us from all angles as I decided to explore one of the old house foundations from the pioneer days of the island's history. If it weren't so damp, I probably would have decided that it was a great writing spot, hidden away from the world, surrounded by stones with so many stories to tell.... It would have been amazing for inspiration.

When we got back to the house, I showered and got comfortable to curl up by the fireplace with a nice warm cedar fire burning, to do some homework and wait for people to show up. My aunt and uncle were having a small get together for dinner that night with some pretty interesting people, including a couple who flew in from New Orleans...

We had another beautiful sunset that night too. It was like a painting out there with the water and the trees.

Sunday morning was chilly. I had breakfast with grandma who stayed back from church that morning then I got around and went to the shops with my aunt who had come Saturday late morning. I broke down and got some really awesome postcards for a dollar and decided that was all I was allowed to get. Hooray for self control!

We even stopped in at the island's cute little museum and went through it. I would have never guessed that there was such a rich and unique history of the island. Most of the stuff inside this place I'd never even imagined existing in the first place. For example an ice boat. Google it if you must to find out what it is but this thing blew my mind a bit.

On the way back to the house from the museum, we discovered this very unusual car. It's apparently called an "Art Car"
http://www.flickr.com/photos/thatcar/
Here's a website that has where they're taking the art car. It's kinda awesome to me that I got to see this car on the island. I mean really what are the chances?

For lunch, we had shrimp which had been brought up by the couple for New Orleans. It was spectacular. I've not had shrimp like that since living in Spain. Seriously, it was good.

Then my aunt, Pupette and I caught the 4pm ferry back to Marblehead and back to BG for the end of my wonderful island vacation.

This week as predicted was hard to get through. Between school and new migraines, I'm handling things the best I can. I don't have any plans for this weekend but I don't want to make any. I just want to relax and work on catching up on the things that I missed because my head was exploding... Maybe I'll rent a movie just to relax tonight or tomorrow night. We'll see what happens.

Hasta Pronto Chicos!

Blessed Be

Life's an adventure.

Hey guys!

I know I keep starting like that and I should probably come up with something a bit more original but I don't think I really care enough to figure out how to address a bunch of people who may or may not be reading these posts from my life. So you'll have to deal with it or stop reading.

Wow, that was blunt. I've been on a sort of streak with bluntly, brutally honest lately. It's probably a turn-off to all those potential guys I'm potentially going to meet in my life but right now I'm perfectly cheery. To prove this point, take last week.

After a weekend of moping and watching trashy television shows, I decided to have a good week, and guess what. I did.

I had BWW with a friend on Monday after taking part of my day to go for a bike ride up to Kroger and Goodwill just for myself. I even stopped to have lunch while I was out, just because I could. I have to admit though that I was a little freaked out leaving my bike outside the shops without a lock so I finally broke down and bought one of those so that the next time I decide to head somewhere, I won't have to worry so much. I think I may go Wednesday this week but let me tell you about last week before I elaborate on all of that.

Tuesday, I had a date. It didn't go as well as I had hoped it would but I can't complain. I got to meet someone new and actually act my age for once. I feel like I haven't been able to act like myself in awhile for some reason and now that I don't care how people take me or leave me, the world seems like a new place. But anyway, back to the guy. He was cute but he wasn't my type and chivalry was dead to him, aka I paid the $2.50 I owed for my beer. I'm not mad though. Trial and error. He would make a good friend and I'm glad that I got to meet him because he made me laugh.

Speaking of laughs.....

Wait! Thursday, I have to mention that I went to a jazz concert on Thursday before we get to Friday. I went to the college of musical arts and watched what they called "Jazz Spotlight". It was pretty cool and the guest player was seriously into his music. His name was Sean Jones, and he's a trumpet player. If you like jazz at all you should look him up. Apparently, he has a few albums and I'd say they're worth listening to if they're anything like how he played at this concert.

Okay, now Friday...
I went on another date with a different guy who is an absolute riot. I couldn't stop laughing at the way we carried on a conversation. No one would understand what we were talking about if they walked up to us.... it was like I didn't need to put up my guard at all because I was more focused on what he was going to say next. Pros: laughing, cheddar bacon french fries, he paid, he smelled amazing, dreamy blue eyes, he drives a mustang.
Cons: he was late, he didn't stay long, he's not as tall as I hoped.

Saturday, I was bored and a little stupid. I had slept till noon because I didn't feel like getting up, then did some research for a paper I was going to write but never did.... I was even going to go to a ritual but I decided that I like being a loner much better than joining a group. I know what I believe and when I get my own place I'll expand my practicing but I don't need someone telling me what to do when it comes to my spirituality. I already have enough people telling me how to act in society and professors breathing down my neck for this assignment or another....

As you may have noticed, it was a full moon Saturday, and I decided I was going to go out and go dancing. Problem was, no one wanted to go with me. The universe was pushing me to go but I was nervous to go alone. I had to actually stop thinking about it before I got up the gumption to leave the house. I went to the most tame place I could think of and was feeling a little silly when I got there but I was quickly picked up by a lovely group of girls whose names I can't remember.

Before I was picked up by the girls though, there was this bouncer who took it upon himself to talk to me and figure out why I was alone. He was like a burst of chivalrous light, and he didn't look half bad either. Okay, he was really cute, I'll admit it. It didn't take me long after the girls brightened my night that I joined the crowd and started to dance, because that was what I went there for. That's when my superman decided to come back by and put a bead necklace over my head "for perking up"... I melted.
After he walked away, I found a pen and a napkin and wrote "Call me sometime" on it with my number and my name, then like a silly middle school kid, I had someone deliver it for me.

I watched him smile when he got it but I wasn't sure if he was just being nice or what so I went on dancing and every time he caught me looking, he smiled....

This morning, I got a text from him.

I feel like a child with a shiny new toy. Nothing like this has ever happened to me because I've never had the courage to let my hair down and be myself. It doesn't hurt that I'm kinda adorable too.
This self-confidence has come out of nowhere and I'm not planning to let it go without a long hard fight. I like being me without caring what people think.

So, moving on....
That paper I did research for was done this morning in under 4 hours. Four pages, single spaced, 1000+ words with a works cited page. That, and you know it was pure genius because I wrote it. (kidding).

My roommate, her boyfriend and I went out for pizza and cookies tonight. They're a riot. It's funny to see how much they feed off each other, but in a good way. He sort-of makes google-eyes at her too which is pretty cute. Ah to be young.... lol.

This week is short as far as classes. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday then we get Thursday and Friday off for fall break. I won't write my plans out here but they should be fun.
Wednesday evening I'm headed to an opera with the french house. It's titled La boheme and I'm really excited about it since it will be my first opera experience....

Wish me luck on my Roman Life midterm this week.

Otherwise, have a great week everyone!
I'll update soon hopefully.

Bright Blessings!

Moving On

Well,

This is my first step.

I know you probably are wondering what I'm talking about but let me go before I explain.

This is my first step. I'm starting fresh. I won't say that I didn't need him, and I won't say that it doesn't hurt but I'm not going to make this worse than it needs to be. This is me being the bigger person. The witch with the knowledge that putting negativity and hate into the world is like throwing a knife in a crowded room.

I wear a ring where one day maybe a wedding ring will sit, my mom bought it for me and on it reads "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." I've been wearing it for awhile but I think I'm finally taking it to heart. I'm finally taking the step. I just needed to be shoved on my face so that I would know that I could get up on my own two feet and be better for it.

That being said, I have no idea where I'm going, but that's the adventure of it. I'm on my own again. I'm running around marveling at all the things my eyes missed somehow before. I'm watching the rain with a new fascination and I can smell the wet earth and know of the magic it holds, ready and waiting for me give it love. The trees will soon turn colors and I can hardly wait to dance among the colors, not caring what anyone has to say about it.

This is a new chapter.

I know I've said this before but this one is different. I'm fighting for this new beginning. I'm fighting against the pain I feel inside, fighting to feel alive. I'm going to make it on this path. I trust the Goddess and I'm not afraid to say that.

I don't care if you accept me for who I am or not. I'm done with that silliness. I am not some child you can lie to and show a pretty thing just to make me stop questioning for the truth. I am a woman. I hold my head high and I stand on my own two feet, even when I'm trembling all over. I'm done hiding and pretending. I'm done telling you that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm done being weak and stepped on.

This is the woman I am. This is the power of a witch and I'm proud of it.

And now that I've given this declaration to the world, you are free to do with it as you wish. I refuse hatred, but if you must hate me I want you to know that I will NEVER hate you. We must each make our own decisions and that is all anyone can ask for.

Happy Autumn my friends!

Now, to explain,

I'm not sure that I owe anyone an explanation but as I'm pouring myself out into this blog, I might as well.

The boy that made me so happy, who I thought was more, has left the picture. He told me that I deserved better and I'm going to say that he may be right. I don't plan to dwell on it. I'm moving on.

I've made it through a week of pain an anguish now and I'm done. I don't deserve to fall back into my personal pit of despair because of this and thanks to time, rain, friends, tissues, and copious amounts of chocolate, I'm going to be okay.

I really mean that this time.

I know that the gods are guiding me. I know that my path will unfold and that I will have more challenges but I know that even when I fall, I can overcome the pain, because that is what I'm doing now.

So here's to Kurt. Here's to the guy who made me grow up. To the guy who will forever hold a tiny sliver of me, because that's all I'm allowing. May you live a beautiful long life, meet the girl who will give you everything you deserve, have a beautiful family and most importantly, may you be happy. I hold no grudge against you.

Thank you to my friends for having my back and catching me as I fell. You seemed to come out of the walls when I needed you, even though I had no idea how important you were to me. I promise that I'm only a phone call away whenever the time comes that I get the honor of holding you up. I love you all.

Thank you to the rain, for washing me clean. For letting me let go. For drowning out the sound of my sorrow. I could not have asked for more perfect timing.

Thank you to my roommate for making sure I was still alive through this whole ordeal. I know I must have looked a mess but you never said so. You were always there with a compliment and whatever I could have possibly needed. Even when I didn't really need it. You're an amazing girl and I'm so glad I get to share this year with you.

To my mom, I'm sorry for snapping at you when I was falling apart. I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you. I love you with all that I am and I wish I could have been there to cry on your shoulder. Thank you for checking on me and sending me beautiful messages that keep my chin up when I'm feeling like I've been hit by a semi-truck. Thank you for always being there.

And on that beautiful note,

Blessed Be my friends, may autumn bring you an abundance of joy and warmth as we flow slowly toward the winter and the end of this very long year. May your hearth stay full of warmth and friendship.

Making it to Adulthood...

Hey all you funky party people! Are you having fun?

I know I am. Life is peachy and I feel incredibly loved. 

This is me, blogging from my new computer and loving that I can do so much on it already without having it be silly and need to reboot every five minutes.

This is bound to be a longer post, so buckle in and keep your eyes on the page. Things are going to be very interesting and I'm going to have to say all the things on my mind. It may or may not be in any specific order either because this is a test to see who's following along or lagging behind.

So anyway, I've been through exactly four weeks of school now and with mild amounts of success mixed with frustrations and setbacks that make pretty much no sense most of the time. I'm doing alright actually. Now that I have this beautiful new computer which I am using at Deb and Tony's right now, I feel like life is going to be just the more peachy and enjoyable.

I have been pretty much (knock on wood) migraine free for the past four weeks except that I took some of my meds yesterday and had to take things slower than I usually do for a Thursday. Yeah, I think I've mentioned before that Tuesday's and Thursday's are my busy days and that I really don't do a whole lot of anything when Wednesday's and Friday's roll around. (Yes, I know that I need a job but finding one is easier said than done.) 

On the topic of meds, I was at the neurologist in Ann Arbor on Monday (9/10). The doctor told me that the Chiari malformation is not the cause of my head pain. She showed me pictures of my brain, and she explained everything so I am going to have to agree with her that there is nothing wrong with my brain at all, except maybe the scattered part sometimes that makes me think of things like my amazing stories.

I'm thinking that you probably want to know anything I'm willing to tell you about my birthday too. What if I said that I'm not willing to tell you anything. What happens on your twenty first, stays......okay that doesn't make any sense. I'll just suck it up and fill you in on the amazing week I had.

Labor day weekend, I was in Hicksville with Deb and Tony and my cousins. I had a great time like I always do when I'm here and Tony made a really great meal of duck with a mushroom risotto and an asian salad whose name I can't remember for the life of me. My boyfriend even showed up on Sunday to partake in the wonders that are Tony's cooking. Plus, the wine and the company were great so I can't imagine why anyone would dislike repeating that night.

The week of my birthday was from Tuesday on, absolute, pure to the core, chaos. Between classes and friends and other commitments, I was seriously swamped in things that were going on in my life.

I made up a lab that I missed when I went to the neurologist this past Monday, on my birthday from 7 to 9 pm which was not my idea of having fun but my roommate (who is an absolute doll) made my day worth it by keeping my spirits high. Then I got these lovely roses in the mail from Sara and Ian. They were and still are absolutely beautiful. So that made me smile even more. To add to that, all these wonderful friends of mine wrote me on my facebook wall to tell me Happy Birthday because they were thinking of me. I felt so very loved. It was great.

So as you may have guessed, I did not go out at midnight to drink on my birthday or whatever it would have been that I would do to celebrate being of legal drinking age. I was responsible enough to wait until Thursday night to have drinks with Anne at Trotter's with dinner, which of course was a great time! I then proceeded to go back and sleep in my dorm room so that I could get up just before noon on Friday in order to partake in the free massages over at the counseling center's open house.

Then of course my friends stepped in to make my day even better, and taking me to get a pedicure. So I have purple toenails and soft beautiful feet.... yeah that was probably more than you wanted to know but I don't think I care... (insert evil laugh here)

Okay so back to Friday before I get distracted again..... I've been writing this blog now for like 3 hours or something. It's slightly ridiculous.

Ahhhh! 

Back to Friday!

Yes, ummm... okay, so for those of you out of the loop, I have a boyfriend but that's all I have to say about that because I'm trying to get all of this down before it leaves my head for good.

So Friday night, my boyfriend took me to Columbus for dinner because he's an amazing guy and it was a really up-scale place with some really good whiskey, scotch, bourbon, etc. and the food was good too! The place is called Barrel 44 on High Street and I really had a great time. I would suggest this place to anyone with any sort of taste-buds because it is definitely worth the drive.

Saturday, I went to Black Swamp Arts Festival up town Bowling Green and walked around there, looking at all the art and thinking about past years of going  there and thinking that it's been way too long since I've seen some of my friends from high school. Oh, the reminiscing that is happening right now and that was happening then. It's so hard to believe that this is my 3rd year being in college.

Saturday night, Carmen and Eric took me out and we had a good time until they had to leave and I hung out with a friend until around midnight. Carmen made me an amazing necklace by the way. I haven't taken it off since she gave it to me and I don't plan on taking it off anytime soon.

So yeah, now we've come full circle and we're back to Monday because I didn't do anything exciting on Sunday at all unless of course you count homework and sleep on your list of top thrill activities..... then of course it was an amazing day too.

This week has been uneventful and I'm pretty happy that I get some down time. Sunday, I'm hoping to see my boyfriend and spend some time with him. Maybe we'll go for a picnic but that's only if the weather doesn't tear up those plans and decide to rain on my parade of joyful flower picking, tree hugging and rolling in the grass one last time before the leaves start to fall. Then, I'll have to break out my hoodies....

So my friends we've come to the end of this one. I know that I promised a long one and that this isn't so very long as I thought it would be but I mean you could ask me anything you really want to know that I don't have up here for your reading pleasures...

That means you'll have to leave a comment or something. Until then I'm running this show and you can't do a single thing about it.

As always,

Blessed Be!

Keep Calm and Carry On!

Well, here goes my whirlwind blogging again. I know that some people have actually been reading this so it has boistered my spirits about writing it at all.

Where to start is the hard part.

I think I'll just go back a week because nothing interesting happened before that. I was literally going crazy from being stuck in the house all the time but the weekend of August 11 and 12 was an interesting one.

Friday night my dad's parents arrived to stay with us for the weekend and I went shopping with my little brother's girlfriend, Hannah-Mae. It was absolutely pouring out but I think we still managed to have a pretty good time. I got a new back pack at Wal-Mart for under $10 and that made me happy enough.

Saturday, I went along for the show that was taking my brother's senior pictures. He's a funny kid and his pictures turned out pretty good but it took us the good portion of the day to get it that far. Unfortunately, through it all, I had a migraine, or whatever we want to call it now. Pain, is all I could think about.

Sunday came around and my head pounded away but I made it through. Thankfully we didn't do much on Sunday except hang out around the house so I read my book and slept mostly.

Tuesday sent me to the hospital because it hurt so bad butthat in itself was an adventure. They got the pain to go away for the most part and tried to knock me out with a butt load of drugs but I was wide awake and trying hard not to freak out becasue we know how much I "love" the hospital.

I got home afterward and slept through pretty much all of Wednesday. I got up so that dad could take me to renew my licence at the secretary of state in Clare. Someone gets a new licence in 2 and a half weeks..... and no one is excited about that at all......(sarcasm, just incase you missed it).

Thursday I had a doctor's appointment so that she could tell me what I already knew and give me more drugs so that hopefully, I'll be able to make it through this semester. I'm still waiting on word from any kind of neurologist at this point but when and if that happens I'm sure I'll just get more drugs and I'm really totally happy about this whole thing if you couldn't tell.

Sigh...

I just have to stop that rant before it goes much further.

So anyway, Mom and I left home Saturday morning driving to Jackson where we stopped to see Chris Temple and  his buddies play that night. The music was great, like always, the food was good, but the people were a tad scary. If it weren't for the man in a kilt who decided to sit near mom and me, I probably would have been more inclined to stay for the entire show.

But no such luck has ever happened to me. Lyel just had to strike up a conversation with me and create a bubble of awkwardness that encompassed a five mile radius. He proceeded to tell me how he was a prison guard and had been in the marines where he got to travel a bit. That his wife had "set him free" three years ago and he was doing what his therapist told him to do by going out and having a good time......

I was thoughoughly creeped out.

We stayed at a cute little bed and breakfast that night since all the hotels were booked for the silly races at Michigan International Speedway. It was a homey sort of place built out of a converted barn and the owner lady was very sweet.

We had quiche for breakfast and blueberry coffee cake while the owner lady talked to us and we were seranaded by music that made me think of sitting out by the pool at my aunt and uncle's place.

We arrived at the French House, BGSU, around noon and slowly unpacked everything from the truck into my third floor room. Mom left me to unack after a tearful goodbye and I continued to trudge through unpacking all of my junk.

Then SURPRISE!

Aunt Jodie called and took me out for ice-cream. It was probably good for me not having my mind on all the things I needed to do before I went to bed that night.

We had a house dinner at 7 that lasted for a good long while because we were all talking and getting to know eachother and catching up on all of the things that happened over our summers.

I only have 2 classes on Mondays. So today I had Music 1900 (Learn to play guitar), and my Biology Lab where we learned to use a compound microscope....if it weren't for the great professor who was continuously making jokes, I might have pounded my head against the table.

Tomorrow I have the lecture for my Biology class, culture of Mexico and the Caribbean, peace and conflict studies, and roman studies. My international communtications class is taught online so I have to log on to that and make sure everything is okay but I don't think I'll have too much trouble with my classes this semester.  I'm more worried about my health than my classes actually. I don't want to have to think about the things I do so much but I guess a little more effort in my life's affairs won't kill me in the long run ...

I think that's all I've got for now. With a broken camera, I can't show you how I've set up my room or the view out of my window but you'll have to trust me that it's decent for being a dorm room.

So until next post,

Blessed Be

Medical Update

Okay People, I know that you're probably wondering about what things are going on since the last post. The results of the MRI were in yesterday and more testing and such is required so I have been referred to a neurologist which we will probably have to travel to Ann Arbor to see.

The diagnosis is this thing called a Chiari Malformation.

So to copy and paste from Wikipedia, here's more information.

Arnold–Chiari malformation, or often simply Chiari malformation, is a malformation of the brain. It consists of a downward displacement of the cerebellar tonsils through the foramen magnum (the opening at the base of the skull), sometimes causing non-communicating ^[1] hydrocephalus as a result of obstruction of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) outflow.^[2] The cerebrospinal fluid outflow is caused by phase difference in outflow and influx of blood in the vasculature of the brain. It can cause headaches, fatigue, muscle weakness in the head and face, difficulty swallowing, dizziness, nausea, impaired coordination, and, in severe cases, paralysis.^[3]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnold%E2%80%93Chiari_malformation

The malformation I have is very small according to my doctor so it could be that I really do just have migraines but they want to be safe and do some more testing and gather more data about it with the specialist in these sort of things.

I know that this isn't exactly good news but it's not bad news either. I'm not going to die of this. It isn't exactly life threatening but it will be a test of my endurance.

So wish me luck.

I'll try to keep everyone in the loop as best as I can with this but I can't promise anything.

Positive thoughts = positive actions

Blessed Be

Summer 2012

Hey Guys!

It's been a long time and I'm sorry that I didn't take time to update everyone while I was away. So this is going to be a long one and you'll have to bare with me while I explain everything chronologically. Or what I'm trying to call chronological but in fact, it's a bunch of timey-wimey jumble that will make very little sense. Just give it a try and see how far you get. If you make it to the very end, then you can post your comments and questions because you will inevitably have a few at least.

First off, Maine was an amazing experience on the whole.

I arrived June 14, landing in Boston and dragging my over-packed bags through the airport until I found a group of kids. Truth be told, I went past them and wandered around before getting up the courage to go ask if they were with Camp Pinecliffe and then when I got close, the guy I came to know as the hilarious Gavin, caught me off guard by asking "Camp Pinecliffe?" All I could do was nod because he had spoken before I could manage to produce the line that I had gone over and over in my head. Then he continued without missing a beat, "Awesome, what's your name?"

It took me a moment to swallow my nerves before replying but as soon as I did the six other people waiting there, smiled at me and introduced themselves. That's when I knew that I was going to make some amazing new friends at this camp and that they were going to be from all over the world.

The first week was spent preparing for when the kids arrived. We did team building exercises and worked in out departments. My department didn't have a lot to do since the kids really are the Cliffe counselor's department. So I was a little bored that first week but we got really close as a department and worked on our amazing staff show skit. There were a lot of questions and stuff to remember but at the end of the week we were rewarded wit a social, bowling, and a party in Main Bunk where we ate all our meals.

The social was at a camp close by called Wildwood. While Pinecliffe is an all girls camp, Wildwood is an all boys camp and thus the staff there, as it was at Pinecliffe, consisted mostly of one sex. It went down about as well as a middle school dance... in the end I was playing volleyball and being eaten alive by bugs, ignoring the urge in the back of my mind telling me to go sit down in my comfortable group of new girlfriends.


No, I didn't get a boyfriend from this social.

Bowling was candlestick bowling and it was really hard. Lots of the over 21 staff were having fun though.... and there was a DJ hired with karaoke. It made for a very interesting night. I think that in the right crowd, candle stick bowling could have been loads of fun but we were still in that awkward stage of our friendships so bowling was awkward too.

Then the staff party was the following night and we had just been placed in our assigned bunks with our "co-counselors" where we would spend the rest of the summer. Earlier that week we were in one of the bunks that held a lot of people so that we were forced to get to know each other in a sort of close contact scenario.

So finally, after unpacking the smaller girls, called the juniors, and placing all their junk neatly away, we still had a few days worth of waiting for them to get there and that's when I started to get antsy. The Cliffe counselors were practicing our skits, making posters and name badges for our bunks, looking at the adorable pictures of the kids we were about to meet and generally getting pumped up.

 Here's a view out out back door and down the bunk line. I thought it was cute to put our cabin in perspective of a couple of the others....

 This is the dining room in Main Bunk. I ate every meal at these green tables sitting at either the head or the foot of the table as is tradition for Camp Pinecliffe.

Did I mention that we water-skied?

Yeah, the day before the kids got there they took all of the Cliffe counselors except the couple who didn't pass their endurance test and taught us to water-ski on the lake. Okay that was dumb, of course it was on the lake. Where else would they teach us? On a mountain?

So anyway...

The girls got there on a Thursday and I was surprised at the very non-existent amount of tears that these girls were shedding. In fact, all the other girls were screaming and shouting at their friends and running to give each other hugs as if they'd been to the end of the world and were thankful to have their lives back at the end of the trip. I didn't think that camp was that exciting when I was a kid but you know I also wasn't being sent to spend seven whole weeks at the camps I went to. I was lucky to make it through the singular week.

From that first day, things started moving really fast. All of my girls were spectacular and the people I was working alongside were great too. I only had one girl get homesick in the bunk and I had no problem staying up with her until we had made it through a week or so of camp and she was throwing fits at activities. Other than that, I had a bunk full of wonderful angels. I miss them terribly.

Here we are on a nature hike with one other bunk. We're on our way up this hill to see what they call      "The Bear Trap"

This is that "Bear Trap"

This is the beautiful view from the top of that hill... 

The lake out there is called Moose Pond.

Could you imagine waking up to this every morning?

The week before the Fourth of July, we had the girls' first play and the youngest age group was on stage (i.e. my girls). I was so excited for them like mom was when I would go on stage for band in Junior High only worse probably because there were seven of them (six on stage because the one throwing fits didn't want to perform). They did an amazing job. No one forgot their lines or their little dances, which were absolutely adorable by the way. Then afterward, I got to tell them how proud of them I was and give them big hugs, me on the brink of happy tears for them....I was a sad excuse for a camp counselor that night and probably more like hover mom. I guess that just means I was doing something right for a change.

Fourth of July was the most glorious sleep in day I've ever had....

I felt like I had earned those few glorious hours of extra sleep somehow. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Somewhere in there, is my first day off. It was a sunny Saturday and I was in a van with some of the best people I've ever met. We started off the day with the head light house in Cape Elisabeth.

Here's the light house.

 Here's a view of the coast with the light house at my back. They wanted 5 bucks to go up to the top of the light house so this I did not do.

 I spent a buck on a native root beer instead. This is made and sold only in Maine....or at least that's what they told me when I bought it.

I just knew it was cold and refreshing on that hot day....

 This is lunch at the Lobster Shack. Fish sandwich and crinkle cut fries.....it was a good lunch.

 This is the coast that The Lobster Shack overlooked. It was legitimately right outside their door with a bit of a dining area then all this rock dropping into the ocean.

 I'm going to call this the baby light house because it wasn't very big but the ship painted on it was pretty. This is still at the Lobster Shack by the way.

 Here's one of the Twin Lights that we could see (barely) from the Lobster Shack.

 This was found on the way into the Portland (Maine) Mall. I couldn't resist the photo opportunity that it posed.

Somewhere in here, though unfortunately there are no pictures, there was a strawberry festival which we stopped at on our way to the mall. We picked and ate strawberries in the field and on the way to the mall. Unfortunately, we were overzealous and had to dump some of them because they would have melted/ gone mushy in the heat of the van parked in this very large open parking lot with the sun beating down on it....

After the mall we went into Old Portland (Maine) and split up for dinner. I ended up in a beautiful Irish Pub called RiRa for some of their Beef and Guinness stew. It was absolutely and indescribably delectable. I 

couldn't finish the whole thing but it was worth every penny. Now if only I had been over 21 and able to put a pint with it.....Just kidding.

From here on out, you'll have to bare with me because my camera decided to stop working after this. So I have a few pictures on a disposable camera of another day off but I have to finish off the roll before you get to see any of those.

Okay so back to the fourth, which was celebrated by playing "Camp Hogwarts" a Harry Potter themed station game sort of thing.....since I'm not really sure what else to call it.....

I think that the girls had a ton of fun but I was helping run a slip and slide/obstacle course station with two girls (staff) who should not have been working together. So my fourth was spent, making sure that the slip and slide worked.... i.e. going down it and spraying water on it.....and listening to those two fight about who was in control. One should have clearly been in control since she set it up and everything but the other was one of those people that had to have it her way all the time and threw a fit if she didn't get her way.....so she sat in the grass with a sort of pouty face on that made me want to laugh at her while the rest of us did the work. It was a fun day that ended in spectacular thunderstorms.

No, we didn't have fireworks on the fourth, but they never do. Fireworks were later, but let me get there first.

The weekend after the fourth of July, I got sick. I was taken to an urgent care with an upper respiratory infection. Nothing to worry about but I spent Friday and Saturday in the infirmary so they could make sure I was getting better. Sunday was my day off but I was worried about taking it because Kaila was sent home Saturday without much of a warning. I'm not going to say any more about that except that I missed Kaila like I would miss any other friend and I basically panicked when they told me that she wasn't at camp anymore. But I took my day off anyway.

That Sunday was a super adventure. From getting diesel in a gasoline powered car, to getting lost and then some, it was a hilarious day and I needed it. I think that day was one of the longest days spent doing nothing and having fun while doing nothing that I've ever had. Thanks for that go out to my friends.

Moving right along,

That Tuesday, Kaila was replaced by Ali who I wasn't sure I was going to get along with. From the moment I met her she was surrounded by campers and it didn't look like she knew how to handle them. So I took up the reins firmly and stepped up to the challenge of taking care of the girls on the stupid pedestal  I thought that I needed to be on. That all back-fired on me and my stress level went through the loop. I was more and more frustrated with things that I couldn't fix and felt guilty when I had days to be in another department while someone watched my girls. It wasn't a great week up until Thursday.

Thursday came around and the personnel director came up to me at breakfast to ask if I would fill in on the Bailey Island trip that was leaving soon. Of course, I accepted and man was it a great day. We got there about noon and ate lunch while the tide was just finishing going out. Then we got on our bathing suits and headed down to the cliffs to explore the tide pools! We found sea stars, periwinkles and a crab that fit in the palm of my hand.

From the pools we made our way a little further on to what is called the Giant's Staircase. I felt like a professional rock climber or something as we made our way down these rocks to get closer to the water for a few minutes. It was spectacular and I could have spent the whole day climbing but we moved on for the last thing before we left which was called the Rock City.

In this little cove sort of thing in the rocks were a bunch of rock towers and tiny rock huts balancing magnificently in places that you would think it impossible to balance these things. All of it is said to be built by elves or fairies and it was absolutely mind-blowing. I wish my camera would have worked for that spot especially.

When I got back, I walked into my bunk to find all the girls and the counselors in salon mode. Thus, I found all my girls wanting their hair done, their nails painted, and make up on their faces. I was quickly put in charge of painting fingers and despite my sunburned, bathing suit wearing, worn out exterior, I managed to do a pretty good job on their fingers.

Why were they doing this?

Well, remember when I said that fireworks came later? Yeah, fireworks were that night over the lake, with a bunch of boys coming to our camp (a social) to watch with us.

I finally made it to a shower just before the social started and had enough time to throw some mousse in my hair and put on a little eye-liner. Apparently, it was just enough to have a guy interested in me.....

My girls were hilarious that night. They came back screaming at the top of their lungs about getting a boyfriend. Three of the seven came back this way and it was really hard not to laugh at them. They were really pretty much the most adorable things I'd ever seen.

That weekend, I was off with the girls on Saturday and we headed out to a waterfall called Diana's Baths. It was absolutely beautiful and I have pictures of it on the disposable camera that I hope to share with you all very soon. I'll even write a little more about it when I get those pictures to alleviate some of the length on this post.

After the waterfall, we ended up in North Conway for the evening. There was a coffee shop, a five and dime, and a mom and pop place for dinner all before the piece-de-resistance of BEN & JERRY'S ICE CREAM!!!!!

Yeah, that's right, I went into a Ben & Jerry's ice cream shop and had some Ben & Jerry's ice cream with a warm, just made waffle cone on the side and a guy who flirted with me while he scooped my favorite flavor.... it was a good night.

Monday rolled around and I was back to my stress filled work time. This week was particularly stressful because the parents of all the campers would be visiting that following weekend and everything had to be cleaned and prepared for that.

That Friday, I got a migraine that landed me in the infirmary again. I planned to go back to work Saturday but Saturday came and my head was still pounding. Saturday night I was in the Emergency Room with pain so bad that they knocked me out and gave me meds via an IV. I was back in the infirmary around 1 am that night and spent all of Sunday there where we decided that it would be best for me to go home and get this under control.

Mom flew to Maine to get me Monday July 23 and we arrived back at home about 1 am on Tuesday. I got in to see a doctor on Thursday and had an MRI on Friday. I missed Zac's birthday party on Saturday because I was in enough pain to take the meds prescribed by the doctor that knocked me out.

I go back to the doctor for the results of the MRI tomorrow (Tuesday 7/31) and hopefully, we'll figure something out.

I miss my girls at camp and I miss my new-found friends. I know that there isn't much more time left of camp but I still wish that I could have had that time to hang out with all of them. To watch my girls grow and to laugh with my friends just one last time. Maybe someday I'll see them again.

As for me,

I leave for BGSU in August. My move in date is the 19th and classes start the 20th. I'll be living in the French House again and I'm hoping that it won't turn out like the last time I was there but if it does, I'll make sure that I grin and bare it because this one I did to myself. I have to believe that it will be better though. I don't need any more downers for my 20th year of life.

Yeah, September 5, for those of you who don't know, is my 21st birthday. I have no plans and it is a Wednesday so I'll probably just hold my head a little higher that day and smile knowing that I've lived to see so many amazing things in my 21 years that others only dream of seeing in a life time.

Congratulations by the way, for making it to the end of this very long post. I know it ended a little morbidly but I'm sure it will pick up by the next post.

All the strength you will ever need is already inside of you.

Blessed Be